I want to start this thread and see how far it goes. Can you sex up nursery rhymes. I will start to give you an example.

The king was in the counting house counting all his money,

The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey,

The maid was in the garden trying to pick a rose,

When along came the gardner and ripped of all her clothes

Now dear reader it is up to you.

 

Humpty Dumpty.....


sat on a face!! :excited:

 

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would ffffffffffffall off!

 

Tom Tom the pipers son
fucked a pig
and off he run

 

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jump over the candle stick,
"Goodness gracious,
Great balls afire."

 

Jack n Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack saw jill had no panties on
and now they have a daughter

 

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif]Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb fuck[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif]
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car
[/FONT]

 

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She decomposed very quickly

 

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

 

Mistress Mary
Quite Contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With curly hairs
and slippery goo
a place for your pole to go!

 

Sing a Song of Sixpence
Pocketful of Rye
Fuck'em Fuck'em
In and Out!

 

Marry has a little lamb
She also has a bear
I have seen her little lamb
Never seen her Buck naked

 

Mary had a little bike
she rode it back to front
everytime the wheels when round
the spokes when up her cunt

 

If u go down 2 the woods today ur sure4a big suprise,
mum n dad r havin a shag,
unlce bobs swallowed his nob,
and aunty flo is havin a go on grandad.

x sweet x

 

Little Willie Winkie
Stuck her with his 'pinky'
And took Mary's cherry away.

Her parents heard the story
And cried, "Rape! Statutory!"
Now Willie's serving life, plus a day.

(an original)

 

Naughty Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
sucking her lovers cock
When home came her husband
and caught them at it
and frightened the lover away

 

like the originality

 

another original - used to dabble in poetry and verse

Sing a song of hitmen
Pockets full of bullets
Four and twenty dead men
Poured into cement.

And when the hit was over
Big Frank was heard to say,
"Wasn't that a lot of stiffs
To dump into the bay?"

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill, but never made it there.
Under a bush, they made love till Jill came up for air.
Jack and Jill came down the hill, their new love knew no bounds.
They got married, and would be still, but Jill packed on the pounds.
Now Jack's buried by the hill, a hatchet in his head.
Just memories remain for Jill, how good Jack was in bed.

BB