This is something that happens to me and I wonder if there are other women out there with the same "problem".

I find that, if I become friends with a guy and the guy shows interest in a female I dislike, I tend to step aside and I lose interest in the guy. His personality has not changed, or his attitude towards me, but just the fact that he's interested in someone I consider stupid, or a bitch, makes me not be interested in them anymore.

So, am I the only one with problem? I call it problem but that's nit really a problem for me. That's just the way I'm wired.

 

It's only natural. We judge people by what they do and the choices they make. The relationship develops as we learn more. It either goes up, or down.

This is one of the problems of relationships that start online. It's mostly a one on one relationship. We may have a perfectly accurate view, but it's a narrow slice. Online lovers don't get to see him be rude to the waiter, or other people, the sorts of things that show who he really is. By the time we learn these things, it's a little late.

 

It really sucks because sometimes you think: "this is a really cool person" and then they drool over some stupid chick and your opinion on them just changes.

I was lucky with my husband. I met him in person first but our love story started online. I left my continent an my family, everything, to be with him, and he never mislead me a bit. It could have been a disaster if he had lied to me, or I had lied to him, but it worked out really well.

 

Whether rational or not, his decision to be involved with someone you dislike might make you question his judgement or his ability to read people.
After all, she's a bitch! How can he NOT see that?
It's hard to watch friends make bad choices.
In other cases, it might be you realizing that if you keep being friends with him, you'll most likely be expected to spend time with her too. Parties, cook outs etc.
The best thing you can do for your friendship is be there for him when it all goes sour with the other woman.

 

Perhaps you're reading too much into it...If he is showing interest in another woman, any woman...as in I assume you mean "over you", then why wouldn't you lose interest? Why chase someone that is chasing someone else? I'd lose interest right then and there myself, and furthermore, if he came back, I wouldn't be available to him. It has nothing to do with jealousy (at least in my case), just simply, why settle for being "second choice?"

Hush....an alias

 

I'm very glad I'm not the only one who sees it like this. Fortunately I'm not talking about my husband (even though my reaction would be the same and I would lose interest in him). I'm just talking about friends in general, but mainly posters here. I might have nice chats with someone but, when there's a new attention whore on the site and they all start drooling over her, it's over for me. All the interest I had in talking to them is gone. They've gone from interesting minds (because frankly, minds is all you deal with here) to stupid ones and they don't turn me on anymore.

 

Well, you're going to have a tough run if here is where you are talking about.

First off, roughly 80% of the men here if engaged in a serious thread and anyone says "boobs" let alone any other female body part, that is enough to distract them off the subject. Show a picture of "boobs" or etc., and they have totally forgotten what the subject was as clearly the topic was "boobs."...Secondly, 80% of the men here if you say "dick" or show a photo respond exactly the same. Before anyone wants to inform me that there is not 160% in a (here watch this, I'll remove the W and screw em all up) "hole", only 100%, don't forget the overlap of bisexual men...and everyone, please let's avoid the "I just like to suck and fuck dick twice a week so I'm still straight" discussion.

Okay, now that it is just you and I talking in that the guys are still mulling over the possibilities of big boobed dick girls, I can tell you that I know this to be true because I have used exactly that tactic many times in threads. For good or bad it is simply the nature of the beast (men), so for myself in that as I have said many times I will not be leaving my Husband for anyone on this planet, I personally don't sweat it. My interest in anyone here only goes so far as static text, and for the most part I simply deal with each post on its own merit. If they want to follow the bouncing boobies instead of the discussion then fine. Next thread we'll see how it goes regardless of the last.

I realize that is rather impersonal and shallow on my part, however anything that goes on here is not going to affect the relationships that really count to me. Those being my Husband and Kathy.

Hush....an alias

p.s.: Boobs! Now they'll be staring at this thread for hours.

 

Well I'm not a woman but here is my two cents worth.

I like people and when it comes to their personal relationship choices, it doesn't significantly effect my view of them.

That said I cant help feeling a pang of irrational jealousy when, say, a female friend pitches up with new BF in tow or talks about guys she fancies. I know I'm taken and it shouldn't even be a consideration.

Of course this was a hundred times worse when I was a teenager and anything with a pulse was a possibility.

 

Dang, you're right, Hush. It's just hard to find interesting people to talk to here, and I hate it when they're not interesting to me anymore.

It's not really about jealousy, Rothko, but I get your point. It's more about the guys' I.Q dropping in my mind when they drool over someone I think is stupid.

 

I can't say that I've experienced anything like that but if I did, I think I would feel the same way. But I don't think it would matter that much whether she was someone I hated, someone I liked, a genius or the village idiot. If he is with me, he shouldn't be showing interest in someone else. If he wants someone else, fine, but he can forget about me.

 

Sorry, what was the question again? I got distracted when someone mentioned boobs and big boobed dick girls.

 

Hush....an alias

 

Oh my god my BOOBS are showing, Oops. I think.

 

I used to feel something like that when I was younger. What changed later was that I realized that i was probably making a bad assumption about how and why he was attracted. These days, my general assumption is that part of what puzzles each gender about the other is that guys work down from lust, and women work up to it. (Not everyone, not overgeneralizing)

For me to feel any real "interest" or lust in a particular guy, I have to string together feelings. Looks, style, energy, intelligence, humor and a sense we connect are all part of it. But I'm never instantly attracted, no matter how handsome or accomplished he is. I have to build up a "head of steam", lust, or interest via personal interaction. I need this "head of steam" to have a satisfying orgasm with anyone, and boy, it's not easy to find at times. When I finally find a guy who "does it" for me, I want to hang on.

Since I struggle with it in particular, I appreciate how much "head of steam" guys appear to get out of simple, shallow visual stimulation. The brain science I've read... Women don't have a comparable, easy "high voltage" trigger, not for sex, or anything. More studies might reveal more later. But I finally could appreciate, in theory at least, that guys I knew could feel a powerful attraction which didn't work like anything I experienced. Just because he drooled over a women didn't mean he found anything else about her the least bit interesting.

But, even so, I'd question my interest in a man who was suddenly interested in a woman I couldn't respect. I'd wonder why he liked me, and if my special interest was based on a bad assumption. I'd give him some benefit of doubt about what kind of interest he had, up to a point. So I wouldn't lose interest automatically, but I might after a few checks.

 

I just haven't had that happen yet