anybody here ever masturbate/have sex with food?
I did a banana peel once.

 

I've had sex with a few vegetables......at least it seemed like that!

 

i watched this episode of jerry springer where some guy heated up cantelopes and had "sex" with them.

 

A couple times... I found a website suggesting hollowing out a cucumber and warming it up. I didn't like it too much, it oozed juice everywhere. Another was to put a hole in a watermellon and scoop a bit out. It felt AMAZING, but again, it's really messy and wasteful, using a whole watermellon just for one use.

 

Did your parents never tell you to stop messing with your food?

 

Boy did I get this thread wrong by its title,

I was going to talk about feeding oysters to my wife as she feeds them to me.

fololwed by king prawns dipped in Marie Rose sauce.

Lots of kisses in between.

etc etc

but guess that is another thread.

 

I like to eat my evening T.V dinner off my girlfriends bumhole.

 

Stuff a load of peas down it and get her to fire them in to the air - that sounds fun!

 

...either she has a very large bum-hole, or you have a very small appetite.....:-D

 

Must be tricky for her to balance as well. Do you place the TV remote anywhere as well?

 

...and what are your guests eating off ......??:-D

 

I don't believe in fucking with my food.

 

tried using a banana once but it split and made a mess everywhere

 

Bananas - no good
Cucumbers - good

 

large carrots and small zuchini

 

<3 Bloodninja. In this one he cybers with vegetables, it's wicked funny and worth reading

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja : What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja : You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause) MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja : You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja : Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause)
Bloodninja : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach… Sexily.
Bloodninja : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains. MommyMelissa: Grain doesn’t really turn me on… I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja : Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love. MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I’m outta here.
Bloodninja : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can’t see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

 

You ressurected a thread with our lost darling Kimiko!

Kudos!

Thinskin

 

I came home early and walked in on my daughter fucking herself with a cucumber. I was so pissed off, because I was planning on eating it later, it's gonna taste like cucumber now

 

So good to see some names chunky was such a class act - kimiko - the perfect tease - music machine - frighteningly funny and intelligent - great great guys