This is going to be a long post so I am very sorry for whoever takes the time to read it but if anyone did, and replied it would help a great deal.

Also sorry for the bad grammar/punctuation I wrote it very quickly to get the info down before I forgot stuff lol

Anyway here is the issue:

Joined the army, very happy and feel like I have changed my life and the future looks bright. I feel very distant from my girlfriend already, she clearly wants to be somewhere else right now and jumps at every chance she gets to go to spain (where she has a house). I also want to be somewhere else and indeed I will be as I will be leaving for a long while soon and will not be able to think about anything back home I need to just concentrate and enjoy it. I am quite a suspicious person as it is and this is worse when I am away from my girlfriend for long periods of time and it eats me up inside because she has never given me any reason not to trust her but I still can’t help feeling like that. Probably because I am used to seeing people cheat on one another. But that is only a little thing. I also feel like we have very little in common like our conversations are half-hearted and there are few threads holding us together. The biggest thing is the fact that my life is changing massively and I feel like it’s time for a fresh start/don’t need old problems weighing me down etc. Also the distance between us will only widen because we will inevitably grow apart eventually as she will fill her life up with other things while I am gone and probably have little time for me when I am back for short periods of time and she will most likely go to spain for the summer months anyway. I will also have a very full life and have little time for her, I won’t be able to celebrate our occasions with her like birthdays, valentines day, anniversary etc and I won’t have time to do all these little romantic gestures like I used to or organise big gifts/surprises for occasions. I feel like it is obvious that we should break up (mutually) so that we can end on good terms and still see each other as friends/friends with benefits when we are both around but I feel like we are both too polite to do it and maybe because we both actually still care about each other. If we stay together I feel like we will grow very distant and eventually not really care about each other and it will end on worse terms and just be so much harder.

I also feel like if I say this to her she will see it as me breaking up with her for no reason and I will look like a bad guy and everybody will judge me. Which is a shame because I do still care about her and people won’t see that I am doing it because it is not a practical relationship and quite frankly we tried long distance when she was in spain for 3 months last summer and I fucking hated every second of it.

The other day we did have some sort of discussion, I can’t really remember what was actually said but we both had a massive cry and it felt like we both knew we had to break up but we never actually said the words. Since then I have felt like we did break up then but we both still consider ourselves to be in a relationship because we are too laid back to actually make any official statements. I don’t know how she feels truthfully on all this but I feel like we are growing apart already and we both know it but won’t confront it. Every time I ask her about this sort of thing I always get a vague answer along the lines of ‘well we will cross that bridge when we come to it’ or ‘it will be fine I still get to see you like every 3 months’ or ‘we have no official reason to break up’ or ‘let’s just leave it and see how we feel later’. At the beginning (1 year 6 months ago) we said we ould just see how it goes no pressure and we will just end it if it gets tricky cos it’s just for fun and if it’s not fun why bother but now we have a bit of history behind us so it’s harder. We are never going to get married and we have both explicitly said to each other that we don’t want to stay with each other forever and want to ‘get around’ a bit more before settling down.

Also it was recently my birthday and she got me a beautiful watch and now I feel unbelievably guilty for having these feelings and I feel like I can’t say anything to her now for at least a month or two.

Somebody tell me what is going on because I feel like I can’t talk to her about this because she won’t see it from my point of view, she will just not take me seriously and thinks I am talking hypothetically!!!

Thanks

 

Friends and Lovers

Al you are still young. So is she. With more age and maturity comes the ability to remain lifelong friends with former lovers, as I have done. Or maybe I am not typical, I really don't know for sure, but I don't know other people that 60 yrs later are still in touch with their first love, and the surviving other ones.

It seems that younger men and younger women go from one affair to another and completely dump the other person. I see it and read about all the time. But unless there was a real reason for animosity, the other person can be a real and helpful friend over time.

We still love and care about each other even though both have been married to others more than once. So I think you and she should think about this and not just toss each other away.

A lifetime long friendship is a wonderful thing to be treasured. I hope you have many of them.

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:

 

first i will say thank you for your service above and beyond all from one soldier to another
second you said that you dont trust her and a relationship is not a relationship without trust
if she always runs away at the drop of a hat let her run and tell her to stay
i didnt read all of the post but i read enough to know that even you see that it is already over

 

It doesn't sound like it is over to me.

 

Okay I read it. My take on this is if you don't trust her you should really ask yourself why you don't trust her. You said y'all didn't really want a relationship and y'all are having fun and stuff. But you also said y'all don't plan to be with each other forever? Seems Luke yall are extremely confused.

So every time you try to have a serious convo with her, she gives you general answers to your questions? Where do you have the serious convos? In your home or some random place?
I think you should have your serious convo with her in a park walking in a trail during the night. It might help help yall open up more. Don't party or drink just walk and talk while looking at the moon and stars.

If you truly don't trust her break up with her that's a good reason and I'm sure she'll understand. If she doesn't understand bow she might in the future.

This is also something to think about. Since you are leaving to serve dont you think it would be best to tell to figure all this out before you leave. So you don't stress over this while your away? You don't want this to be the reason your distracted during your service. You have to worry about your life, the fellow soldiers in your platoon, and your missions.

If you feel guilty after you choose to break up just give her back the watch.

I wish ya luck!

 

i just read the rest of it and yes it is deffinately a done deal
you state a few times that you want to do it so nut up
you feel that it is done so just say the words

you said you have no reason to trust her but the real question isnt do you trust her at this point it should be do you trust you

 

I agree with ridgerunner. Do you trust you? It sounds like you're ready to be done. Listen to your instincts.

 

As curiousgirl said - trust your instincts. It sounds a tricky one, and by the sound of it, she's a nice lass, so whatever you do, be tactful. I wish you well.

 

I didn't read it but I agree with ridgerunner, curiousgirl and meforyou.

 

LOL yet you didn't read it but you agree. lol. :excited:

 

rixer
so i could have said turn gay and swallow donkey cocks and you would have just simply agreed with it?
thats bad logic

 

Of course not! I'd have to see the donkey cock before I made a decision.:excited: