Starting a thread new to XNXX site, And I decided to post my personal hand written poems I have done over the past 3 years.. Now if your a lover of poetry, Would love some feedback and tell me what you think??

Good and Bad Criticism is welcomed, It will help me become a better writer.

Oh!, And if i get good reviews I will post more.

Take care to all

One of my poems

~Revelations~
It's a new day, And a new dawn, As i stay steady, And move on, Going through changes
as i stay strong, But its a fighting battle as i carry on.. I walk every step
swiftly it seems, Never rushing anything as you can see, But i stay humble in my
personality, Staying fresh an looking sharp, My charisma in tune like a musical
harp, Hitting the chords in perfect harmony, My lyrical words will set you free,
Float through your mind like the clouds above, Soaring in the skies like birds an
doves, With every note that escapes my lips, Is a heavenly song sealed with a kiss,
My words are deep and powerful, I speak with all my heart, Don't be a coward son,
I'll keep you guessing like a trivia game, You know my style changes, It never stays
the same., But i will remain fly like a jumbo plane.. I walk light like a ninja
fool, I stay creeping in the shadows, I'm invisible..They call me a legend, But i
call it luck, I was never talented when i was younger, I was the ugly duck, But i
turned into a swan an moving gracefully, My mind is an endless box of rhymes can't
you see, I hold a power few ever did, And the secret to that, Just be yourself kid..
Don't boast or brag about what you got, Just stay who you are and keep it hot..
Having things and losing them is a painful shot, Like getting your check up, Or
kicked in the crotch.. Yeah i know it never happened before, but for the fella's,
Well you know how it goes, And for the females who take a peek at this, Just think
back at your first terrible kiss.. But imagine this.. What would you do? if you
could make a wish, You only get one chance, So make it big.. If i had that
opportunity i'd wish for this, I'd wish for peace on earth and good will to men,
Give all the needy kids a pillow and blanket and a warm bed,.. Put all the veterans
in a shelter for risking there lives, Help all the homeless people for them to get
by.. And keep the predators all locked away, So no mother or sister or father or
brother would ever shed tears in there eyes day by day, You see its and easy thing
just say what you have to say.. Cause it could be you in there shoes, Living the
hard way.
~Written By Me~

 

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Keep writing.

 

Thanks Brandi.. Not sure if anyone will really pay much attention to this thread of mine.. But anyone who does see it.. It's much appreciated..

 

so why don't you put it into the stories section and tag it as 'poetry'?

 

Not bad for a beginning; if you want some samples for good and bad, plus a disaster of one poem (to see what not to do) click on the link to my stories/poems in the main site below my signature.

It might give you some ideas again of what to do and not do.

 

Thanks for the comments.. I will certainly do that, Would be nice to see what i can pick up on, And see how i can improve.. And i will move it to the stories section, I guess i wasn't aware of that at the time..

 

I'm new and certainly not a critic but in my personal opinion I thought it was good. Started strong and ended well, I got a little lost in the middle but I think it was mostly my fault. Keep it up

 

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New Poem

You may not like me, And that's ok, I'm not here to please you, So judge away, I'm not here to start fights, Or a war, They call me the Knightlover and for that I soar.

You think your insults will hurt my image, But your only wasting your time at the line of scrimmage, Step up and if you got the guts, If you can write better than me then show me what's up? But understand this and read it well, I speak from the heart my deepest spell, My words are endless and break many bonds, I'll leap through the fire and many ponds, I'll float through air with my skill it's true, But i'm not even here to impress you.

My poems are expressed through many ways, They come to me through images every day, I'm not the greatest writer, but i do it anyways, My style is different and changes as i flow, I'm not a freestylist, Just an average joe. Watch and learn or read and see, But don't every think you can underestimate me. This style of write is what sets me free, Nothing you could say could ever distract me.

So this is my expression whether you like it or not. I'm not a bother to anyone, I just keep it hot. So any comments you wish to leave.
Go ahead please feel free.

~Written By Me~
Knightlover1

 

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I write to release, I release my thoughts, My friendship is won, Can't be bought, I have learned a few lessons on this site you see, For one is never lose your temper so easily, But it can happen and it sucks it's true, But i apologized for what i did, Or what i do.

My mind is filled with turmoil some good and bad, Sometimes i just write when i feel real sad, Other times i do it when i'm really mad, But today i just feel like it, And that's my math..

It's nothing nice to make fun or laugh, But it doesn't bother me none, Cause this site is only half, Half of the critics who dish out the dirt, But couldn't deal with the same bullshit in return, Only know when to criticize and fill there minds with hatred inside.

But who are you to point and judge, Your not any better so I keep to myself. I do my own thing and stay low key, Never bother or harrass anyone just staying me., For you can say what you will, But your unwanted comments couldn't shoot to kill, I'm still standing and writing as i see fit.

For I write for whoever is interested to read through it. So keep being in denile and make your usual criticizing wiles, Nothing will stop me from being the usual person i am, Your comments are just fuel to fill my vile

 

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I would say that perhaps you should break up your lines a bit better, the more blank space on a page the more interesting your piece will become. Your poem sounded more like a rap lyrics then actual poetry. Of course poetry is part of lyrics but there is a slight difference. It was pretty good, not generally the type of poetry I read though.

 

Thanks for your comment hun Much appreciated and I will do that next time. :rose::excited:

 

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Another one of my poems

Turning a blind eye, Wishing I could fly,
But nothing is so easy, Just want to die.

Hard to stay steady, But i stay ready,
Wishing for my luck, Stress too heavy.

Why can't it be, Simple for me,
I never knew much, But yet I stay free.

I'm hard to catch, But I get let loose,
I've done the cat and mouse, And you've been goosed.

I'm in a league all my own, But i feel so cold and alone,
Throw me around, Or throw me a bone.

I will come back, Stronger than before.
Bring you to the floor, Show you that I'm here forevermore.

~Written By Me~

 

My style is fresh, My game is hot,
You can't hold me down, Cause I blaze the spot.

You hate on me for the way I dress,
But you need to listen up, Cause I'm at my best.

I'm hotter than lava, Too hot to touch,
But watch out for my sparks, I'm blowing up.

My style is new and hot to the T,
I'm about to enter a new space oddyssey.

I've been loved and burned so many times,
I'm like a black cat with 9 million lives.

So keep yourself tuned in, And turn me up,
For i will surprise you when I burn it up.

I'm no other guy, Cause I stay fly.
But I will only be around so long, before I run out of time.

Written By Me

 

This one is not bad as a song. I could work with this one and might see about adding some sound to it. We have a female singer laying down tracks that could belt this out. Don't worry, we won't steal it from you.

PS ... btw, you basically just did a free copyright on it (if it really is you) because since this site keeps all it's threads, you just time stamped it.

 

I think its brilliant that you are writing poetry that comes from your heart. The fact that I think it is absolute garbage is irrelevant. What do I know?

Your charisma in tune like a musical harp? That is the best worst line I have ever ever heard. What other types of harp are there? Dismissive harps? Miserable harps? Effervescent harps?

Your poetry offends my eyes
Each line you write a new demise

"Not bad as a song" one critic said
He should visit a shrink, so they can check his head.

Your childish rhymes score below zero
Rhyming 'up' with 'up'? That's a new low

So now I've upset not one but two
I'll run out the door yelling immaturely "Screw you!"

Keep writing you crazy poet!:excited: