It's been a long time since I considered myself submissive per se. I don't think I have a submissive personality; I'm obedient to authority if I trust and respect the person. I'm obedient to Sir, but I don't default to submissive behavior with other people. I'm in multiple other relationships but those are all either egalitarian, or I'm the dominant partner.

It's not sexual for me, or kinky; it's how our whole relationship works. Sex and kink are just parts of how we interact, they're not the most important parts by any means and they aren't the focus. The dynamic ranges through every part of our lives together.

I was in my first M/s relationship in my early 20s. I was aware of BDSM, I met someone who told me he was looking for a submissive partner and eventually a slave, I said I'd give it a whirl, and took to it like a duck to water. I was away from home for the first time, out of college, not really sure where my life was going, and I fell easily into a structured environment. It's not that I didn't take responsibility or didn't want to make decisions, but not having to deal with all the little details freed up my inner being.

I realize that sounds contradictory. But being a slave does give me freedom. I worry a lot about what other people think, I want everyone to be happy, and I'll do anything to help another person. I can get so wrapped up in other people that I ignore myself. But as a slave I really only have to please one person. I can concentrate on him and what he wants and needs, and he makes sure I get taken care of/take care of myself. I'm not responsible for everyone else, just him, and for what he gives me responsibility for. And when I am removed from the clutter of expectations that other people have for me and my attempts to live up to them, I'm free to be myself. Really feel who I am and be what I need to be. I'm clear-headed and I have a single purpose. It feels good to know exactly where I am and what I need to do.

 

Thanks TS. Good to be back

 

Thank you Venus although I think your contribution raises as many questions as it answers!

What is becoming clear is that submission means different things to different people and I will expand upon this later but for now I am going to create a masterpiece in the kitchen with chicken, broccoli and sugar snaps!

Later.......

thinskin

 

Being submissive is compelling to me for many reasons. I'm pretty submissive in real life not only in the bedroom. Being submissive is a feeling. Matter of fact alot of feelings come into play. It requires so much trust and comfort in your partner. It is feeling empowering yet so vulnerable. Some see it as you being weak but someone once told me submissive women are some of the strongest women. I would say that's true. You have to be so brave to just fully submit in that way.

To just kneel when they say to. Or lay over their lap for spankings. Being tied up or blind folding not knowing what will take place. Your heart is racing, your breathing changes......You just let go of all your insecurities and give your all to them!! Knowing your giving them pleasure in that way is so compelling in itself.

But i would say the most satisfying part is knowing you've chosen the right kind of dominating man to submit yourself to. That plays the biggest role in the pleasure and satisfaction you both receive from the act.

 

Thank you very much for your post, @Sweetpassion.

You have very succinctly and clearly explained several aspects of the pleasure from submission. I was not aware of most of what you mentioned. So you have given me a road map to improving myself and becoming a better Dominant who might be deserving of a great submissive.

 

I am definitely not submissive.

 

Another good point from Venus, there is a difference between submission and being submissive!

thinskin

 

Im a dom so cant answer the main question but I wanted to raise how important this bit is. I always play with a sub knowing that they have the power really, if they stop then its all over.

I never feels compelled to submit, im not a switch, but I understand hat fine balance as a dom with a subs desires and needs.

 

What I have seen so far is that submission and sexual submission are two different things but a common theme is that the submissive partner feels a freedom from the clutter of responsibility.

Let's remember that to submit is a verb, submission is a noun and submissive is an adjective.

Now I would like to focus on sexual submission for a moment, I do not think that a sexual act in itself is submissive but the mindset of the participants in the sexual act can be submissive.

So how does this effect the resulting orgasm of the participants of the sexual act?

Thinskin

 

I can't answer questions about sex that results in orgasms, lol.

 

@thinskin Well, my partners have orgasms! I just don't.

 

I did not doubt it for a second but perhaps you could comment of the intensity or voracity of those orgasms under different circumstances as your original statement "I can't answer questions about sex that results in orgasms, lol." was not typical and does not shed much light on the question I was putting out there!

I mean you have been very proactive and helpful thus far!

thinskin

 

Being free from responsibility..?

 

I just don't like the assumption that sex always results in orgasms and I was feeling snippy about it.

 

"Resultant orgasm" implies that it's the result, doesn't it?

My sadist deeply pissed me off yesterday and I'm not in a good mood.

 

You're welcome.

 

I also think we have different definitions of sex.

 

Can I be of willing subjective matter?

 

Empathis on subject and or matter.