Married for over 20 years, you assume you know your other half pretty well. Last night at dinner, my husband surprised me for the first time in a ages.
In our village is a septuagenarian widower who I've befriended, a sweet kind man who is obviously terribly lonely. I pop in and see him once or twice a week, take him a cake, cook him a meal, sit and chat. I know he looks forward to my visits and I think he's grown quite fond of me.
During dinner, my elderly friend came up in conversation and out of the blue, my husband said....'you should give him a treat.' I assumed he meant take a present or similar. But no, I almost spat my food out in surprise when he clarified the comment. He was suggesting I give the old man sexual favours....to cheer him up.
My husband is the most conservative man you could ever meet and has never been happy opening up about sex, so I was even more dumfounded when, as the chat continued, he went on to say, As we don't have sex much now, [his decision, definitely not mine], he'd completely understand if I wanted to meet people....but only if he was there watching. I thought he was joking, but it seems as though he's deadly serious.
Ladies....how would you react? Gents.....please explain the workings of the male brain!

 

He is winding you up or he is testing you. Perhaps he suspects you are up to something anyway with the old guy or with someone else.

It doesn't really matter what matters is how you feel about this. If you want my input now is the time to start talking to your husband about your sex life. what you want, what he wants and how you can achieve this together.

What I would say though is whatever you decide it should absolutely not include the old gentleman in question and I would strongly argue against it involving anyone else either.

There is a shed load of stuff you can do that doesn't involve someone else, but at this point working on your sex life should be something you are working on as a couple not pandering to some crazy kink he has to see you with someone else.

Such an arrangement would be in my mind bad for you bad for your husband and most of all, and for about a thousand different reasons, terrible for the man in question

 

Thank you. I have tried talking to him about sex 100 times, but he just clams up. Which is why it was such a huge surprise to have talking the way he did last night.

 

He must get off thinking about other men fucking you..does he masterbate rather than fuck you

 

Despite having clammed-up before I think that now, perhaps, he wants to talk and just used the old man as a pretext.
One important thing in all this is why the decision not to have sex much now was his - was it because he 'just lost interest'?
He could possibly think that seeing other men desire you would kick his desire back into life.
Does he watch porn, could he see you and another as a form 'personalised porn'?
TALK TALK TALK

 

I don't know. I assume he masturbates.

 

Yes, over the past 4 or 5 years he's just lost interest. I've tried talking to him about it, but he sticks his head in the sand. We have sex very occasionally and always instigated by me.

 

Try seeing a professional marrage counselor. If he won't go, you go.

 

I dont know how he can resist you

 

He stopped wanting sex but is suggesting that you have sex with other men.
Let's assume that his not wanting sex isn't a medical issue.
My first thought was that he's looking for an excuse to have an affair (or is already having one) and that you having sex with the older gentleman is a way of making his own infidelity justified in his mind.

If you do go through with it, start off slow. (and leave your husband at home)
Maybe don't wear a bra the next time you visit. After that, maybe a loose fitting top (braless) and let him catch a glimpse down the front of it. Act like you don't notice.
Next time, "catch" him looking down your shirt. Look him straight in the eye and smile. Ask him if he likes what he sees.
Ask him how long it's been since he saw a woman's bare chest. Ask him if he'd like to see yours. If he hesitates, tell him it's just looking and what's the harm in just looking?
Walk towards him and straddle his legs (assuming he's sitting). Tell him it's ok to touch them if he wants to.
Ask him if he likes how they feel and how long has it been since he's touched another woman.

After that, every time you go over, take your top off and spend the entire visit on display for him. Keep him talking about how long it's been for him.
If you have a dress that zips up the back, wear that and nothing else. When you get to his house, ask him to unzip you.
He'll be expecting you to be braless but when you let the dress fall, he'll see that you're not wearing anything.

Go about your visit in the usual way but when it's time to sit down and have coffee or lunch, sit in his lap.
Ask him if he minds you sitting in his lap in your birthday suit.
Move your hand to his crotch. He's a septuagenarian so don't expect him to be hard as a rock yet. On the other hand, if it's been a while for him, he just might be.

Take his hands in yours and place them on your body. Tell him it's ok. If he hesitates, move his hands where you want them.
Tell him that your husband isn't attracted to you anymore and ask him if HE thinks you're attractive.
Tell him you and your husband haven't had sex in ages and women have needs too.

Assuming he hasn't had a stroke yet, he'll figure out the rest.

Don't be surprised though when one day you show up and the other 3 guys from his golf foursome are there to greet you too.

If you eventually want to include your husband, that's up to you.
Tell him that your husband came with you to see if there were any household chores that he could help with. Then you peal out of your clothes just like you do on a normal visit. Or better yet, have your husband undress you.

 

I have sooooo much to say. I could go in several directions but I will only say, good for you. Maybe this leads to a more fulfilling life with your husband. I guess it's time to seriously communicate about this.

 

Brilliant...I love that!! Probably NOT the best course of action, but thanks anyway. Your comment about the possible affair had crossed my mind.

 

Not sure why your husband wouldn't be interested in you. You are an attractive sexy woman and appear knowledgeable and bright based on your posts and assessment and thoughts of the situation.

Tread carefully. On the medical sidebar a has hubby ever been tested for low testosterone? That could be an issue and is somewhat common.

 

Up until last night he hasn't wanted to talk about anything to do with our change in sex life. Maybe now is an opportunity to talk and find out what's been going on.

 

Worth a shot. I honestly was /am in a little of same boat. Not super attracted to wife and sex drive down a little. Found out it was low testosterone. Now much better.

 

Do you think he was possibly testing your reaction? Maybe he thinks something is already going on? Has he ever seemed like it bothered him you always caring for this guy? Have you tried to ask him the important stuff? Like is he not attracted to you anymore. Or if he just has no sex drive. Could he possibly be depressed or stressed out? Have you tried just being dominate and coming on to him sexually? If so how did he react? Does he have alot of free time away from you where he could possibly be having a affair? I would suggest like many others here a long tlk with him. Let him know how much of a strain it's putting on your relationship. Let him see that this is really effecting you.

 

I would be pissed and hurt if my husband/boyfriend suggested that I give sexual favors to another guy. I would like to think that he values me enough that he wants me for himself.

 

Maybe he's feeling guilty that he hasn't been able or wanting to look after my needs for roughly 5 years. I have no idea what his reasoning was when he made the comment. Hopefully I'll find out soon.

 

Hi there,
Don't mess around with the nice, older guy. Talk to your husband first and try to fix whats wrong between you two.
Now, for some guys, it is a turn on to have a MMF threesome...Nothing against the woman at all, it's just sexual fun. But this needs to be talked about first so no issues come up. It should be with a stranger (from CL, in town for work, etc) so that you won't have issues after having sex, or see him at the grocery store next week.

 

@heatherw I would never offer my wife up to another man, I would agree if she had a curiosity to or share together upon her request. My best guess is your husband in some rather odd way can act out some kind of cuckolding fantasy with a man who he has no feeling would be a threat to him?