To all the good parents out there, when is the right time to talk to your kids about sex. With the media pressures now-a-days and all the rumors that they can send/spread, shouldn't we be pointing them in the right direction? Sure it sound cheesey, the whole 'Birds and the bees' talk but I think it's really important for them to know. How many people are on here asking legitimate questions about their penis size/condoms/birth control/pregnancy/whatever else because they weren't properly taught? Are we too busy to teach our kids?


For the record, no, I don't have children of my own but I just felt like bringing up the topic.

 

the best time is...

when your all laying naked with each other

 

jk jk

joking!!

 

Thanks for the serious response.

 

There's not a set age, but I think when they start becoming aware of different things. I know my parents were open w/ me when I was growing up. I understood the my parents "special time" was them "making love", I knew the basics. However, little more guidance in my mid-late teens probably would've been good but I think I got the birds and the bees talk from my dad every time I talked to a new girl.

It's gotta be hard for parents b/c you don't want to think of your kids as sexual beings and would rather think of them as innocent needing your protection. Like I said earlier I think parents should be open about sex and sexual matters, addressing comments/concerns/topics as they become relevant.

 

Now a days, probably by kindergarten. The sand box can get pretty rowdy.

 

He's right, there is no single point when you go from saying nothing about sex to telling them everything. It's a progression, and it starts very young. If you're open and honest with your kids from the start, they'll grow up trusting you, asking questions, and will have reasonably healthy attitudes about their own bodies and their own sexuality.

But if you mean, at what age should you have a serious, comprehensive talk about sex with your children, I'd say no later than age 11. My experience with seventh graders is sufficiently shocking to make me unwilling to wait until then.

 

I knew a girl in 6th grade that was being called slut, and I don't think it was because she was just kissing.
My first kiss, in a hidden away place at school was 1st grade, had he not moved away, more than just kissing might of happened in the months to come.
I would guess that by the time you think it's time for "the talk", it probably to late.

 

That sounds just about right. Sex shouldn't be looked upon as something that is 'wrong' just something that shouldn't be too public. Should also be cumulative.

 

I cannot recall ever having been set down and told about sex by my parents, nor did we as parents ever do the same with our children. Suffice it to say when they did ask any questions we just answered them honestly without restraint. We were quite open to dialogue in our household and many questions on many subjects including those about sex were part of our daily routines and especially at mealtimes.

 

One of the best pieces of knowledge I ever got was from a friend's mom who said, "I'm not raising children, I'm raising adults. If they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to be answered."

Now obviously you can't go into deep medical terminology with a young child, but you can still answer their questions truthfully at a level they can understand. As others have stated, there's no set age because children mature differently. I would just try to be honest and open with them from the beginning so that they always feel they can come to you with questions and then just answer them properly.

 

agreed

I remember I got "the talk" from my dad when I was like 9 or something, because everybody in my school went to see the movie Titanic because of the sex and nudity, and of course I did too. It was a bit premature though, because thanks to being so sheltered by my parents and not allowed to have any kind of normal social life for most of my childhood, sex didn't enter into my mind as something I wanted to do until I was like 13 or something. Then again, that delay was more due to the "talk" all of the guys got in 5th grade about puberty and all of that shit, which had me thinking that a guy couldn't have sex until he reached Stage 3 on the puberty chart

 

I knew a girl in school that said she had sex with a boy in her class in Kindergarten. Then again, her family was pretty screwed up I think. But in all honesty, I think you should be frank with them from the beginning. How are they going to be able to tell you that Uncle Joe is touching them inappropriately if they don't know how to explain it, whether its wrong, or what to call it? It's a sad fact but the more they know, the more you can relax. You can say "if anyone touches you in your no-no spot run away and tell an adult, okay?" but how are they going to know what their "no-no" spot is, and why it's bad? I think that's why people grow up thinking sex and masturbation is so wrong because they don't think ANYONE should be touching their "no-no" spot. Some parents want it that way, but it isn't exactly healthy. It's a tough topic because of how most of us were raised, but once the line is crossed, it's a lot easier to talk about.

 

Before they have it?

We took a pole on this in a Sexuality class I took last year. We thought that parents should always be open with their children and tell them where babies come from, explain what the basics of sex are at about 7-10 years old, depending on the maturity of the child, don't tell them its dirty. Let them know it's ok to talk to you about it! That when they are ready they can talk to you or ask a teacher or counselor about it so that they know what they need to. Tell them the basics of dangers, such as diseases at the same time that you mention what sex is. They should know everything by the time they are 14 tops.

 

I think one of the mistakes parents make sometimes is in treating their children like children. They KNOW when we're being evasive, they KNOW when we're not being honest, and they're a lot more aware than we give them credit for a lot of the time. I like to talk to them as adults...adults on the small side.

I remember the scene in "To Kill a Mockingbird" when Scout askes Atticus what rape is. Atticus gives a heavy sigh, and tells her that rape is "carnal knowledge of a female by force and without her consent". That's a much better answer to give a child than "I'll tell you when you get older".

 

i think that by grade 4 they should know the bassics like, a man puts his penis into the womans vagina and a baby is born, but by highschool they should know all the facts and most of the terms as HS is hard and you dont want your kid having a screwed up teenage life.

 

How about before they have sex!

 

I would have to agree with Kimiko. I know my mother talked about sex with me before I was in 3rd grade, and she always said if I had any questions to just ask. And I know she was like that with everything. If I wanted to know anything, she would give me the best answer possible, and not only was I better informed, but it also fostered a comfortableness with my mother that I don't think most children had. When I was in high school and going out every night she knew where I was going and when I came back I would tell her what happened (for the most part). Not because I had to report to her, but she was interested in me, and she knew I would always tell her the truth.
If you want your children to be honest with you, you need to be honest with them first, and that includes when they ask about sex.
So to answer your question the younger the better, but it is up to you.

 

I agree that there is no real set age, and you have to be open and honest up front.

In high school I dated a girl whose parents must have told her that the only use for her "equipment downstairs" was for peeing...

After we had sex for the first time, she kinda turned into a little nympho. I'm not complaining at all, but it was kinda like once she realized the kinds of things that her parents had been hiding from her and not telling her about, she didn't really know how to handle it responsibly once she learned.

Its a shame really, cause if her parents would have been more open with her (about alot of things, not just sex), her life wouldnt have taken the crazy spiral it did once she graduated and got out into the real world...

 

My stepmother told me some shit when I was 12, and I started fucking at 12, I will tell my daughters early but I will tell them to be cautious of molesters like this one