Or he/she doesn't have all their chairs pushed up to the table

 

Or she's so tall she could huntgeeese with a rake.

Re-introduced by the big bang theory

 

Come hell or high water. I think.

 

He don't have both of his oars in the water.

 

Up the creek with out a paddle. I think.

 

Killed two birds with one stone...

 

As ugly as the north end of a south bound jack ass.

 

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? I think.

 

I'm going to have to look up more ''old timey expressions'' because ''I don't think'' I know anymore and the ones I got I got from my papi. I think.

 

It's colder than a tin toilet on the shady side of a glacier. That's one my dad used a lot.

 

Sauce mouth and making the two backed beast are two of my favorites when it comes to naughty expressions

 

If my grand mom had dick, she would have been my grand dad.

 

Balls cried the queen if I had two I'd be king

or

Nuttier than a fruitcake

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers

So hungry I could eat the ass off a mule

She/he's looks like the south end of a north bound mule

Luckier than a double-peckered billy goat

Colder than old Hattie's ass (Dad used to say this but never introduced me to or pointed out Hattie)

That's like picking fly shit out of black pepper

Silly old Moo (catch phrase from an old British TV show Til Death Do Us Part, over here it was cleaned up, toned down and became All in the Family)

I'm so mad I could crush a grape (Catch phrase from "The Two Ronnies) British sketch comedy in the 197o's)

Wouldn't give him/her the sweat off my balls if he/she was dying of thirst

Speak ass mouth won't (When someone doesn't respond to a question or request)

I don't trust anyone but me and thee. . and sometimes I'm not sure of thee

There's no such thing as bad pussy. just fine and extra fine

He/She walks like there's a stick up his/her ass

She/he walks like she/he's still behind the plow

Yank my doodle it's a dandy!

Pull the other one, it's got bells on (British - roughly translated it's "If you're going to pull my leg, pull my cock instead")

Stupid Git! (Britsh, git is short for illegitimate so essentially stupid bastard)

He balmy (crazy)

 

I like all of these but my favorite of all time is holy doodle that's a pip.

 

I forgot - better pissed off than pissed on
Of course that depends on your preferences

 

Or Lyndon Baines Johnson and his classic in defending J Edgar Hoover who probably had dirt on him.

Better to have a man who is in the tent pissing out than to have a man outside of the tent pissing in .

 

A woman's old time favorite..."not tonight, I have a headache". My reply, "that's okay, your head will be fine, I am going to use your other end"...

 

Damn right old time...inflation has it to a couple a bucks a beg now.

 

If you don't use your head you might as well two asses.

 

Crawl back into your hole