1. Hello,


    Personal info as kik, email, skype etc. is not allowed ("email is....."; “kik is same as my username”) on our forum. Please use Private Messages for it.

    Personal ads with pictures or videos post in Personal and not in Pic & Movie Post.


    Thank you,

    ILMJ.

    Dismiss Notice
  1. kmtoplay

    kmtoplay Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    465
    So I have been with my partner for 20 years and our sex life compared to other relationships I have had is pretty boring to say the least. Once in a while it gets really great in a session and we have quite a bit of fun but these honestly can be counted on one hand over the last 5 years. So last evening we spend some time talking and getting into the mood take a shower and jump into bed. Now she has had 3 children and has some issues with her body image I constantly reassure her that she looks great and I honestly believe that.

    We start with some kissing and I go down for some oral on her and ask her to do the same on me she outright refuses. I ask why and she just looks at me like I just asked her to jump off a bridge or something. I calmly ask why she refuses we just showered we are clean etc etc. She does not answer just stares at me. At this point I go pretty much limp since nothing is more of a turnoff than a partner who does not desire you. For me I would do ANYTHING she asked me to do without hesitation in bed. For her I would be terrified to ask as I was afraid to ask for the simple BJ because I pretty much knew how this would go. I have literally had one in the last 12 months.

    So I kind of back off and ask why again she just states because I dont want to. Then she asks if we are going have sex or not so I decline at this point because honestly I am a bit take back and hurt that there is zero desire for me. I think she cannot believe that I just declined sex since she thinks I am an addict or something but there is more to sex than just cumming quickly.

    I am a fit male in good physical shape I take care of myself, I care about my wife do things for her attend to our kids and her needs but when I ask for something sexual I am made out basically to be a pervert. Over the years our sex life has been less and less exciting Missionary is pretty much it. Most of the time her words are if you want to do it just stick it in me and get on with this. If I am really horny I just do it but lately honestly if I just wanted a hole to stick my cock into I would find some random girl to bang. I am married for a reason but lately I am really kind of wondering if I can stick this out for 20+ more years like this. I own a business and have a pretty stressful life overall caring for employees and a stay at home family. I don't expect my wife jumps down on her knees and blows me every night but once in a while to be touched in an unfamiliar way without asking would certainly be welcome. I am the one who ALWAYS initiates sex most of the time she says OK when she is really not in the mood she will decline and I respect that we have all been there. When she knows I am super horny she will just lye there and let me finish but asks me to do it quickly... Most men would not mind this at all but this happens a lot and psychologically I just feel like she is performing a wifely duty to appease me.

    She refuses to discuss it so I have no idea why she won't I am really approaching a point where a difficult decision may have to be made if things do not change. I need sexual contact other than sticking it in her. We have 3 great kids, we really are best friends, we really have NO intimacy to speak of...

    I have wondered how long we would go if I did not initiate sex I have tried before and it has gone well over a month then I get to the point that I pretty much just take it but there is no real gratification with this process. I feel our intimacy is broken and I just am at a loss on how to attempt to piece this back together.

    Any help or insight is certainly appreciated and welcome here.
     
    1 Toy Maker likes this.
    1. 1 Toy Maker
      Stuck there with you.
       
      1 Toy Maker, May 25, 2017 at 8:22 PM
  2. notdescriptive

    notdescriptive Porn Star

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,856
    We were married very young. This post would be deleted, as an earlier post was, if I revealed the ages. At one terrible low in our now 45 year marriage I had the same problem. Not so much what we did, that was not the problem. The problem was her not initiating sex - ever. We had sex only when I wanted. She did not show a want or a need. There were more refusals than normal and I just got the overall vibe that I was to be accommodated but was not desired. We had two middle school kids at the time.

    Eventually I told her the truth, which was: "Why would I want to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with me ? " I said "I'll not ask for sex anymore. If you want to make love with your husband, let me know." She knew me enough to know that I would not live a sexless life. If I did not have sex with my wife, then I would have sex with someone else.

    She asked if we should see a counselor and I immediately agreed. I said that before we paid someone to listen to what we had to say, we were going to say those things to each other, for free. The counselor was great. He gently but emphatically took my side in our problem. I believe the counselor helped her realize that she was the problem. She took it well. Our sex life from then until now is better than it has ever been.

    I wish you good luck. Changes need to happen. The best outcome is leading a happy life with your wife and family. Good luck.
     
    1. 1 Toy Maker
      Lucky you, my wife shouted at the counselor for ten minutes when it was pointed out that I might be correct.
       
      1 Toy Maker, May 25, 2017 at 8:21 PM
  3. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos Milo Cronos & Lil' Donna OFFICIALLY

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7,796
    In every relationship, on several subject one will always be the student and one the teacher. Hone your skills to incorporate minor and what's perceived as insignificant changes, implemented as taking chances that her reaction might be positive. Even missionary has variables that are close but not the same, study a bit http://www.sexinfo101.com/facetofacepositions1.shtml
     
    kmtoplay, Jonme and BlackJade like this.
  4. kmtoplay

    kmtoplay Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    465
    Thank you for sharing this is EXACTLY what is going on.... 3 kids and 20 years in things change I get that but I still have wants and needs etc etc. She knows I will seek elsewhere as well I am a very sexual person. She does not deny me much but you do get tired of asking when it feels like it is a chore for her. I want it to be enjoyable for both if I wanted to just blow my load I would jerk off all the time. After all we are married for a reason sex is not all of it even for me. I would like a wild time every now and then.

    Funny this kind of blew up into a really big argument. Of course there are other underlying issues going on which leads to her refusal things that are not said but are building up. Long and short is we all have to keep working on our relationships if we want them to sail in the proper direction. I have some work to do!
     
    Grey One likes this.
  5. msman

    msman Porn Star

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,649
    You should see how she acts with the other men she has sex with.
     
  6. kmtoplay

    kmtoplay Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    465
    LOL If she would invite me it would definitely spice it up!
     
  7. freethinker

    freethinker Pervy Bear

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2009
    Messages:
    21,998
    If she'll only have missionary sex, get her a bunch of missionaries. There's Mormons, Adventists, Jehovah's Witnesses, hell, just about any kind she'd like running around banging on doors. While they're keeping her busy, you can go pick you up a prostitute and ask for around-the-world.
     
  8. Dickbetweenmytits

    Dickbetweenmytits Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2017
    Messages:
    24
    Does she orgasm during the missionary sex? Has her desire changed since having kids? In the beginning was it satisfying?
    It could be psychological if she feels that having a fulfilling sex life is at odds with her image of what a mother or whatever other role she has in the community. I know this is a long shot, but sometimes masturbating is a way to reconnect to lost sexuality because of the freedom explore. Good luck to you both. Being married for 20 years to your best friend is something to cherish!
     
    kmtoplay likes this.
    1. 1 Toy Maker
      The problem with this is you don't marry your best friend.
       
      1 Toy Maker, May 25, 2017 at 8:24 PM
  9. amethyst10

    amethyst10 Sex Machine

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2015
    Messages:
    786
    Is this a recent development? Does she ever seem to enjoy sex when you do it? If she won't talk about it maybe you should suggest counseling. If she refuses that, then I'm sorry to say that it sounds like a lost cause to me, unless you are willing to have a sexless life with your best friend. I really believe that you need to convince her to see a counselor, or a medical doctor or both.
     
  10. Dickbetweenmytits

    Dickbetweenmytits Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2017
    Messages:
    24
    I agree could be a medical issue and even the best relationships could use a counseling tune-up every now and then.
     
  11. Christophel

    Christophel Sex Machine

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2015
    Messages:
    717
    Perhaps she is overly religious?
     
  12. kmtoplay

    kmtoplay Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    465
    Kind of all of the above. We used to be free and spontaneous and we had a blast. After kids the orgasms were harder to achieve which led to some dissatisfaction. I would do my best to help her reach but she would not always allow me to take it slow and allow foreplay to happen. After #3 of course it is different she complains it is not the same. Perhaps we really need to sit down and explore each other again to see what really works and what does not now. I of course want her to be satisfied because what is good for her is good for me. She has started to masturbate again although not sure of the frequency or if she orgasms. I think a really honest talk may clear a lot of this up and allow us to move forward in a fun and positive way.

    I should be thrilled she wants sex as much as she does after having 3 kids I have friends that go months we go like a few days in between. Maybe I am asking for too much too quick. The youngest is still under a year so we are still working into a normal sex life again.

    There was a day a while back that we went out and had a few too many she wanted to cum so badly she demanded I fuck her in the ass (WHICH SHE NEVER EVER DOES) Literally I have had anal attempts with her maybe 4 times with really no success. So she lies on her stomach starts fingering and demands I fuck her ass. That by far was our hottest night together and when I think back to it I want more of that. Trick is how to get her to that place where she needs it from me that badly she will bend her rules.
     
  13. Rothko

    Rothko Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    5,922
    I think you will find a few guys on here and one or two woman who will sympathize with you 100%.

    Its been at least 10 years since my wife last blew me and if I dare suggest it I get a look like drinking poison would be preferable.

    That along with next to zero sex not even an open mouth kiss and a total refusal to discuss or acknowledge that if zero sex is fine with her it sure as fuck isn't fine with me.

    I cannot offer to much clever other than to say do not give up and keep pushing to open up a dialouge with her. I do believe if she is willing that counselling could be a very good move for you both.

    Not all woman want to or enjoy giving head, so perhaps backing off on that issue might make her feel more relaxed, find the stuff she does enjoy and make that your focus. Yeah it's a bitch but I think the more you make it about pleasing her the more sexual contact you are going to get, and even if that doesn't include even the occasional impromtu BJ you will at least be connecting sexually with her, and that has to be heaps better than getting nothing at all.
     
    kmtoplay likes this.
  14. Jack Mine

    Jack Mine Porn Star

    Joined:
    May 30, 2009
    Messages:
    6,714
    Hey guy welcome to the club. It's normal for couples that have been married for way too long to get bored, tired, and not interested in having the same fucking sex every day and every night. When you jump into bed, cuddly up to your wife and press your boner into the crack of her ass reach over grab one of her tits, you wanna know what automatically pops into her head, oh fuck not tonight, I'm not in the mood to have this 290lb fat sweaty fuck who came home from work, didn't shower and must have taken a few healthy shits lying on top of me fucking away like an animal, fuck it's only 2 minutes just get it over with. Now that I got that out of my system, you both should seek marriage counseling. Every marriage and situation is different, people can give advice but you'll only get to the problem with counseling, okay?
     
  15. OmiOmy

    OmiOmy Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    156
    Be happy you getting any at all. Many on here have named their hands just so they can say they laid the pipe to old Gertrude again.
     
    Jack Mine likes this.
  16. kmtoplay

    kmtoplay Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    465
    Went to counseling the other night which consisted of turning off all the distractions and talking. Since then we have been fucking every night couple times back to back... Really just needed some attention