1. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    I love those thoughts which are just out of step with normal thinking, the one liners that make you chuckle. Anybody else have any?

    Here's my first....

    When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
     
    1. josefspratt
      OH WOW THATS TOO FUNNY!
       
      josefspratt, Mar 25, 2016
  2. tenguy

    tenguy Reasoned voice of XNXX

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2007
    Messages:
    38,277
    Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
     
  3. tenguy

    tenguy Reasoned voice of XNXX

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2007
    Messages:
    38,277
    The only time the word "incorrectly" isn't spelled incorrectly, is when it's spelled incorrectly.
     
  4. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    If there's more than one mouse, it is mice so surely, more than one house is hice??
     
    ejls and wantsomefun like this.
    1. SteveR921
      It is if you are English Upper Class!!

      (I am new at this so ignore the reply I put in, before I noticed the comment box)
       
      SteveR921, Apr 1, 2016
  5. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    I went to the DIY shop to buy some stepladders..... my real ladders died.
     
    1. Hussie6776
      At least you knew your real ladder, many don't.
       
      Hussie6776, Mar 7, 2016
      sellieFine likes this.
  6. Ed Itor

    Ed Itor dusted

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2009
    Messages:
    6,252
    I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
     
  7. Ed Itor

    Ed Itor dusted

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2009
    Messages:
    6,252
    To-day is the Tomorrow that You worried about Yesterday.

    Smile and make them wonder what you are up to.

    A simple "Have a good day." to someone might be the thing that brightens their day.

    Remember to pass on (pass forward) any good deed given to you and let the bad ones end at you. It won't solve all The World's ills but it will brighten it a little at that very moment and make at least two people feel better.
     
  8. Wee Hector

    Wee Hector Porn Star

    Joined:
    May 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,994
    If shit ever becomes valuable, the poor will be born without arseholes.
     
  9. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    I told my doctor that my legs hurt in about 8 places, he said, "don't go to those places!"
     
  10. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    I went to our local zoo and walked round for FOUR HOURS and all I saw, in one cage, was a little dog!

    It was a Shitzu!!
     
  11. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    Why is it, when people burp they excuse themselves, but when they fart, they laugh???
     
    wantsomefun, ejls and mirage_3c like this.
  12. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    A man is driving late one night, travelling a bit quick and as he drives across a bridge, a cop steps out with his speed gun and flags the guy down. He stops the car, gets out and approaches the policeman.

    "Sorry officer, I was rushing to work at the hospital, it's an emergency! I'm a pussy stretcher!"

    "A what?" Asks the cop

    "A pussy stretcher! " he replies with a serious face

    The cop pushes on, "OK so what does a pussy stretcher do?"

    "Well, we approach the pussy with two fingers and slowly move them apart. After a few minutes we get it stretched so we can get more fingers in and keep going until eventually we can get two hand in. After a total of about 4 hours we can have the hands about 4ft apart and we get a foot in there and keep stretching until we get the pussy stretched to about six feet! "

    The cop has heard enough, "utter bullshit! What would you do with a six foot long cunt? "

    The guy smiled, "Stand him on a bridge and give him a speed gun! "
     
  13. mirage_3c

    mirage_3c Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2010
    Messages:
    6,844
    Who found out that you can get milk from a cow? And why was he doing it in the first place?
     
  14. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    And who was first to say, I'm gonna eat the next thing to pop out of that chicken's arse??
     
  15. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    The guy was sobbing in the pub and his mates asked why.

    "My wife DOESN'T HAVE Tourettes!"

    "Well that's good isn't it?" His pal asked

    "No, it means she DOES think I'm a cunt and she DOES want me to fuck off!"
     
  16. mirage_3c

    mirage_3c Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2010
    Messages:
    6,844
    I haven't spoken to my mother in law for ten years. We haven't fallen out, she just never lets me me get a word in.
     
  17. shootersa

    shootersa Frisky Feline

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2010
    Messages:
    17,154
    Shooter ponders;
    If the Triblesa were to come to Earth, would they Poulk or would they zahf?
     
  18. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    I asked a friend how his 'round the world' trip went. He said, "It was lovely, but I wouldn't like to live there!"
     
    wantsomefun likes this.
  19. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    Some definitions.......

    MARRIAGE:
    It's an agreement wherein
    a man loses his bachelors degree
    and a woman gains her masters

    TEARS:
    The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
    defeated by feminine water-power!

    ECSTASY:
    A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
    a feeling you have never felt before.

    YAWN:
    The only time when some married men
    ever get to open their mouth.

    FATHER:
    A banker provided by nature.

    EXPERIENCE:
    The name men give to their
    Mistakes.

    CLASSIC:
    A book which people praise,
    but never read.

    SMILE:
    A curve that can set
    a lot of things straight!
     
    Muke Hunt Hz and wantsomefun like this.
    1. shootersa
      Nonsense. I always get in the last word in discussions with my wife. Always.
      I say "Yes Dear" and that ends it.
       
      shootersa, Feb 19, 2016
      wantsomefun and MissRachael like this.
  20. MissRachael

    MissRachael Don't Let The Blonde Hair Fool You!

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Messages:
    6,515
    My boyfriend is very masterful. Every day he rushes home to rip my knickers off! All day they dig into his hips apparently!