I imagine that cheaters stay married mostly because it's the path of least resistance (assuming they aren't thrown out by their spouse and their clothes burned on the lawn). There's a certain inertia about human relationships...it takes a lot of energy to overcome that inertia. And for women, especially, ending a marriage often involves a great deal of financial risk. It's a step they don't take lightly, particularly when there are children involved.

But I do agree in general that if you're going to cheat, it would be better if you just ended the marriage.

 

as chris rock once said, a man's only as faithful as his options...

 

glad to know that there r some reasonable ppl

 

People cheat for many many many reasons.... Where do i begin?

The most common reason, has to be ego... Men do it to feel like they can still pull women and women to it to feel wanted or desirable.

The next has to be unhappyness... Who wants to fight every day? Chances are if your not fuckin, your fighting... And for men, denyal of sex can be a form of torture... It never ceases to amaze me how many women are surprised when their man cheats after they refuse sex for months on end. Women - please take my advice, men need sex, air, water and food... They will gladly give up air, water, or food to get some booty... Same goes for men... Womens egos can be just as fragile as mens, if you are turning your woman down constantly... Dont be surprised when she has to get some booty elsewhere.

Some people are sex addicts and just cant say no... Great for your partner for short terms, but "just as faithful as their options" wins out.

And sometimes people meet other people they connect with on different levels. I have been sexually attracted to different women that i couldnt stand, and i have been emotionally attracted to women i wouldnt have sex with.

And finally... People change. What a person wants at 20, usually is not what they want at 30, and is not what they want at 40.

 

Im in agreement with most of this...

The other thing is that humans are sexual, you dont have to yield to temptation but realistically there is a chance that at some point in the course of a long term relationship that might happen. Doesnt make the person bad, or shouldnt be cause for immediate divorce.

Im always slightly surprised at the way in which someone who has sex outside of their normal relationship are so universally condemed.

 

It's because people are extremists and they want a black-and-white solution to an imperfect world. I find it interesting that despite the fact I love my wife and my marriage is highly functional and I'm NOT having extramarital sex, that people assume everyone involved would be better off if we got a divorce anyway, and just because I have feelings for a 2nd person and just aren't disclosing that. This is as reckless, stupid and naive as saying Well I think we should just nuke Iran.

 

I don't believe that most people who codemn cheating are "extremists". I do think they want and expect fidelity in their own relationships. They prefer honesty in relationships.

You have characterized your extramarital relationship as cheating and emotional infidelity. To me, that type of relationship is more devestating than a purely sexual relationship.

I'm not suggesting you give up your marriage. I also don't think we should nuke anyone I do believe if you love and respect your wife that you either end the extramarital relationship or disclose the relationship to your wife. If my spouse was in love with someone else I would want to know.

 

We have an excellent marriage, truly fulfilling and enjoyable. Given the choice, I'd marry her again immediately.

The man-sex-thing is just some occasional cream filled dessert.

The marriage vows say "two shall be as one" but do not recognize that you are still individuals and are not One. That would be a bore. Besides, I could not live with someone exactly like me. Viva the difference.

 

I never cheated on any of my three wives until after I caught them being unfaithful to me! Then in retribution I did every chance I got!