Granted! You’re an expert fruit sketcher.

I wish I didn’t have to get up in the morning.

 

Granted, and you never have to get up again since you're dead now

I wish I had made more coffee this morning

 

Granted but it's day old coffee

I wish for bagel sandwich

 

Granted, but it's all holes.

I wish for a magnificent cup of coffee.

 

Granted, but now you must urinate after every sip you take

I wish for a sweet snack this afternoon

 

Granted but it's too sugary to consume

I wish for a large pizza

 

Granted, it arrives with ants and flies all over it

I wish to go to the movies tonight

 

Granted. It’s a Russian film on vodka making.

I wish for a nap

 

Granted but you wake up naked in the middle of the street

I wish for a new TV

 

Granted, but it only has a 7" screen.

I wish for a piece of cherry pie.

 

Granted, it's a tiny 1" square piece though and you can't have more

I wish I slept more today

 

Granted but you slept through the phone call that would have awarded you a million dollars.

I wish I had a million dollars.

 

Granted, but it's Monopoly money.

I wish it would stop raining.

 

Granted, now it snows 24 hours for the next week

I wish for a quiet evening

 

LOL easy, you go deaf

I wish I could get laid tonight!

 

Granted, but they can't give you an orgasm

I wish I could see the future

 

Granted, but every time you do, you age by 5 years

I wish there are no meetings at work today

 

Granted, they rescheduled the meetings on your days off instead.

I wish I had a musical wind chime.

 

Granted, and now the wind never blows where you hang it

I wish I could work from home again daily

 

Granted .. but you are now locked in and can never leave

I wish for … an easy off day