Granted, but the can of cashews turns out to be acorns and you don't know how to crack them.

I wish there weren't mice in my house.

 

Granted, they decided to relocate to your vehicle.

I wish the internet wasn't so slow where I'm at today.

 

Granted, but it is so fast now that you have to do things 3 times as fast so it leaves you out of breath.

I wish I had more Frosted Shredded Wheat cereal.

 

Granted, but you forgot that you didn't have any milk left.

I wish I had a cheese slicer.

 

Granted, but the cheese slicer in the box turns out to be a onion peeler instead.

I wish I could sleep well tonight.

 

Granted, but well into the night your neighbors will wake you up having wild sex.

I wish bananas didn't get overripe so quickly.

 

Granted, but then you realize your allergic to ripe bananas and go back to eating peaches

I wish I could get my truck fixed before I go shopping.

 

Granted, but the repairs cost so much you can't afford to shop.

I wish the internet were covered by the same legal standards as public speech and news reporting.

 

Granted, but some legal standards are corrupted and violent so that you can get nothing done edgewise.

I wish I could get lunch at Dirty Johns in Warrensburg, NY.

 

Granted, but you'll be required to clean the dirty John's because you forgot your money.

I wish I had some more BBQ sauce.

 

Granted, but you have to use BBQ in every meal.

I wish I were at home, instead of at work today.

 

Granted, but your home is a pigsty and you have to work to get it clean anyway.

I wish I could get everything done just by wishing it done.

 

Granted, but you'll have to put $20.00 in the wishing well every time you wish for something.

I wish that stain wasn't so expensive.

 

Granted but that stain is reoccurring

I wish for leg hair to be gone for good

 

Granted but instead your pubes grow at an outstanding rate

I wish I could go back to college and do it again

 

Granted, but you lose all perception and recognition of the things you needed to accomplish.

I wish I lived in California to be somewhere warm always.

 

Granted, you'll be a greeter at a box store giving warm welcomes, somewhere in the boonies.

I wish for a better umbrella.

 

Granted, but the beautiful new one you get is not waterproof.

I wish someone would mow my lawn.

 

Granted, statues of Moe Howard will be all over your lawn.

I wish I had a Sleep Number bed.

 

Granted But All You Will Do Is Count All Night

I Wish This Year Was Over