Granted, and now all your ceiling fans refuse to power on

I wish there was an ice cream machine for use at work

 

Granted, you'll get to drive it to work every day now.

I wish for a Chicago style pizza.

 

Granted and when you get it, it's rotten

I wish to have cake and ice cream for breakfast

 

Granted, but you'll have to use them as toppings on your breakfast burritos.

I wish for some more roses in my yard.

 

Granted, but they're all dead within 5 minutes of being fully bloomed

I wish for you to smile when you read this

 

Granted, but you can't see what I'm actually smiling about though.

I wish I had some cashews to nibble on.

 

Granted, but you open your mouth and all your teeth are gone

I wish work could get cancelled today

 

Granted, but you'll have to work a double shift tomorrow.

I wish for new pillows.

 

Granted, but they're filled with cow poo

I wish to able to drink alcohol without getting drunk

 

Granted, you'll just mumble incoherently instead.

I wish my vacation started this week.

 

Granted, and you fall sick on the day it starts

I wish to see the first movie ever made

 

Granted but you only get to watch half

I wish I could buy a boat

 

Granted, but it sinks on the way to you

I wish I owned an exotic car

 

Granted, but your ex comes along with it.

I wish for some better sunglasses.

 

Granted, but you go blind as soon as you get it

I wish for an extended weekend

 

Granted, but it'll be an extended working weekend.

I wish I had a longer tape measure.

 

Granted but it only measures less than an eighth of an inch

I wish I had a 1952 mickey mantle rookie card

 

Granted, but only you can see it, it appears blank to others

I wish I could remain in bed all day and sleep

 

Granted...but it's only because you're in a coma!

I wish my back pain would fuck off!!!

 

Granted and now your dick is all painful and sore

I wish my boss would buy lunch for the office