Hi i am sort of new here so i dont know of this sort of thing has been posted before but i will give it a go
the idea that i have come up with is that i will post on the opening to a story and it is up to the other posters to keep the story going (post replys).
As i said i dont know if this has been done so if it has this is a new one.

Here is the start of my story so when you have read it feel free to come up with the next part part making sure you have read the previous section...

Aaron Thomas was a well built sexy young 18yr old boy.
His golden browny blonde hair waved in the evening moon, brushing against his tannned chest.
Has he stood in his shorts his 8'' pulsating dick was leaking precum, as he , with a not so happy smile, walked of into the night searching out his next victim.

 

What drivel. "Has he stood in his shorts his 8'' pulsating" It doesn't even make sense. And "browny blonde hair"?????? Dirty blonde? Flaxen? Sandy? But "Browny Blonde" is what you choose????

Whatever.

I don't claim to be the best writer here but I think, perhaps, you might want to work on your writing a little.

 

well well well

look who it is Mr Michael Chricton himself.
Yes I agree that you may be a better author and if that is so then you may like to continue the story and make it better.
Better still write your own better introduction and we can forget about mine.

please tell me why it doesnt make sense though so i can correct myself when i come to write more (maybe).
i dont mind being given reviews (as a musician i am used to it)

MIKE :-D

 

What was it Simon Cowle said on TV the other day? About people showing up with, "A lot of attitude and no talent."

You can't just make up your own words to describe something: Browny-blonde? Really! Is English your first language? I don't want to read something that looks like it's written by a high-school sophomore with no real-life experience who doesn't understand sentence structure or punctuation and never learned how to spell the 400+ words he/she actually knows.

There are too many crappy 'writers' out there on various forums and story sites who just throw words together without having the pride to present a decent product - i.e. a well-written, understandable and entertaining story. Take your time, learn what commas and paragraphs are for, and - for Pete's sake (or for anybody's sake who reads your story) - run it through your spell-checker for spelling errors (red underline) and sentence structure (green underline) before you upload it.

Oh - and don't try to impress anybody by writing what you think somebody wants to read. Write what you feel - the things you dream about. Then, what you write can become real to the reader.

 

Tut Tut Tut

Look here Mr Spelling champ - its spelt Cowell not Cowle (tut tut)
secondly i am from England were i was born (London) and got an A* in my English exam.
Thirdly i wrote the story in Microsoft Word before posting it so i could see the spelling errors and al the words in the story were correct because none of them were underlined in red or green. If there is probelm then you need to blame microsoft for creating a spell check that doesnt work.

I believe that the reson for people spelling words wrong is that when you type things on your computor (or laptop which is what i have ) then it is harder to speel things correct when you are typing fast and could hit another key by mistake.

And before you go make sure this reply has been written correctly has i dont want to be put in Jail for bad spelling.

 

Ok, Mikey...you're driving me nuts!

I don't know how you passed English OR MSword. But there's a difference between the word HAS and the word AS

From www.dictionary.com

has- verb
Third person singular present tense of have.

as- –adverb to the same degree, amount, or extent; similarly; equally: I don't think it's as hot and humid today as it was yesterday.

I don't care what you say...MSword underlines shit like that. It might simply be an underline of the period at the end of the sentence (and when you click on it it suggests a question mark). Because if you start a sentence with HAS, MSword wants to make it a question instead of a statement.

And there's a difference between not being able to "speel" as you put it. And not knowing how someone spells their name. Proper nouns are an entirely different matter.

 

Sorry to be so harsh with you Mikey. But obviously I'm not the only one who thinks you might want to bone up on your spelling and grammar. (Also not the only one who wanted to know whether English was your second language)

Obviously there's something to what we're saying.

Here's a bit of advice...

When you're finished with your story read it.
Then read it again
Then read it again
And again.
(and it your case it wouldn't hurt to have someone else read it too)
Then submit it.

I read all my stories at least 3 times and I still catch errors later. Don't rely on spellcheck...especially with your grammar skills.

 

And I almost forgot (because you do it in BOTH instances)

As- conjunction
at the same time that; while; when

 

You made me laugh.

 

Dude... take the criticism like a grain of salt and start over.

 

If he makes you laugh he's successful. You enjoyed something.

 

I could be wrong

I could be wrong but I think Perv was saying I made him laugh. Not Mikey. And if Mikey did make him laugh I don't think it was from content.

 

Personally, I can attribute most of my typos to my dyslexia... which is the only word I never, ever, misspell!

 

LMAO!

 

funny

This shit is funny, makes me glad I don't make mistakes.

 

Please do not get into any arguments about writing if you are not a writer

I am also from England, and do not follow a logic line that implies that because you are English, that ergo your grammar is correct.

If you deserved such a top mark in your exam you should not have needed the Spelling and Grammar checks provided by the software. I have just copied your initial posting into Word, and it brings up seven red lines and one green. In addition, the letter "i" should be capitalized when it relates to the first person, and there are other errors that the program has not picked up (It never usually does a complete job).

And as for actually getting an A* in your English examination, I have to wonder (based on the above posting, which attracted nine wavy lines) whether the time spent on it's achievement was usefully spent.

The idea of providing a few lines, and asking people to continue is as old as the hills, and a good party game that I have played. It still is a good idea for a thread, but your reaction has spoilt this one.

Why doesn't someone else start one?

Regards

Chris