I'm going Friday!

 

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot-tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

 

2 blondes walked into a building. You would think one of them would have seen it.

 

What kind of music do mummies like to listen to?

Wrap music

 

I got a call from a kidnapper, "Your wife or $25,000", tough decision, but I took the money.



I really had a plan for a good one this morning, but I'm just kind of out of it. I had this dream where I was a muffler, and now I'm just too exhausted.



Whenever I run into difficulties in life, I look at the picture of my ex I keep in my wallet. I am comforted b the knowledge that if I could survive 29 years of marriage to this psychopath, whatever this problem is can't be that bad.



Not trying to brag, but I've been the same gender since birth.



A con man, a communist, and an old white man go into a bar- bartender says, "What'll you have Mr. president!"

Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday

 

How do you know when a joke is a dad joke?

It's apparent. (A parent)

 

,

 

Did you hear about the the dentist
who married a manicurist?

They fought tooth and nail.

 

ha
ha
ha

 

Before I criticize someone, I try to walk a mile in their shoes... because, that way, I'm a mile away, and I have their shoes.