Hi AR! Thanks for your willingness to chat. No rush at all. Please enjoy your trip!

To clarify my question: I'm not asking you about the sex part. I think I can figure that out on my own. What I was asking you about is your relationship with your wife. It's really just one question, although I know it's a big question, which is "What does it MEAN when you say that you're the dom and she's the sub?" I used the (somewhat silly) example of her wanting to dye her hair and you thinking it's a bad idea because I'm just trying to bring it down to Earth and get a grip on how a D/s relationship actually functions. I don't want to know what it means to you philosophically or spiritually because you already explained that quite eloquently. I want to know what it MEANS in REALITY. Do you know what I'm saying???

Anyway, thanks again and I'm looking forward to your response, whenever you have time.

 

Btw, anyone can answer.

Btw, anybody--dom or sub, male or female--can answer my question for me if they want. But for my sake, please refrain from waxing philosophically. Instead, give me the nuts and bolts of how your D/s relationship actually works. Not the sex, but the relationship. In practical terms. I want specific details, examples of things, things in the real world. Break it down for me please! Much thanks to anyone who answers. :rose:

 

A slap, a whip, a restraint, a gag, a choke, a face pinned in mattress with a hold of hair...and whatever else I can get her to do to me.:excited:

 

i want to start out by saying that i absolutely heart this thread. secondly, i'm going to bug mintykisses to answer your question, depraved, because i believe she's also in a full-time D/s relationship.

for me, i'm starting to transition a bit to having bdsm just be part of my sex life to having it be part of my "normal" life. thus, i'm also quite intrigued. i've been considering transitioning into having D/s be a larger part of my relationship, for a few reasons. The more i've considered it, the more it seems to fit our dynamic. i like pleasing him by doing things like cooking and cleaning, whereas i feel as though he provides a lot more emotional support, which i require. i've always liked how he calls me on my shit - i need someone to guide me in that way. i don't always like being told what to do, but i recognize that sometimes i need to be...

i require a lot of direction, and sometimes discipline.

 

Yes, I'm also hoping to hear from Minty Kisses because I remember her saying that. I wouldn't want to inconvenience her but I was thinking that myself.

 

As I have read every entry of this thread, I have been attempting to put into words my role in life. I saw bit's of myself here and there but only that.

After sitting here for many long minutes and at least 10 re-writes I have given up. I am unable to properly explain what it means to be "owned".

 

For those of you that feel that the dom/sub situation is purely sexual... Read back to Kitty_Lynn and Ancient Red's posts.

For me, the application of dominance and the acceptance of submission are things that every one of us deal with on a daily basis. There are two different reasons for either... One is being put in a situatoin, the other is choosing to involve yourself in a situation.

I cannot honestly say from which I have learned more... nor from which end. I have found myself, sexually in situations where I was PUT in a position of submission, and I've found myself PUT in a situation were I had to apply dominance. I have also CHOSEN to be in a situation where I was sexually submissive, just I have CHOSEN to be in a situation where I was sexually dominant. I could not say which is better, worse, right or wrong. I have grown to a point where I'm very happy to have learned and experienced EVERYTHING that I've learned. And I think that's what life is truly about. Its about understanding that sometimes you HAVE to be dominant, sometimes you HAVE to be submissive. Sometimes you WANT to be dominant and sometimes you WANT to be submissive. Its up to you to learn which suits you better... sexually. Because honestly, who are we kidding? This is about sex. In life if you're submissive, you may maintain, but you will never grow... Financially, materially, or any other way. Our society scorns the submissive twice as desperatley as society depends on the submissive. And in today's society it is just as moally reprehensible to be dominant. Thank you to all the social liberals. Not trying to turn this into a political conversation... but think about how our society today is shining its light on those who seem disenfranchised or under-buttressed.

As far as the sexual aspect of this is concerned... again, which is why we are having this conversation in the first place... I have found myself in both situations and chosen to involve myself in both situations. Myself, I prefer to be submissive. In being submissive sexually you simply let go. I put my full trust, faith, and well -being in the hands of my master. Its so much easier. I enjoy the structure and feeling of accomplishment when I do right by my master, especially when I'm not even sure what, when, or how it is I'm supposed to be doing. I truly enjoy having no decisions to make.

On the other hand, I also enjoy being the one that calls the shots and decides how to take care of another life/sexual well-being. I enjoy the small amount of control I'm allowed by my master to teach and raise my own subordinate. This is a good balance for this type of relationship. Its hard to be a mindless slave, just as it is equally difficult to maintain structure and discipline of one that TRULY depends on you... Even if it is just for sexual gratification. Its a tall order to fill sometimes.

You all take care out there... Remember to look out for one another, and to enjoy yourself and everything around you as much as you can... Life is short... Play naked!

Sincerely,
Beth

 

Someone lovingly prodding me to broaden my sexual experiences.

 

well said, couldn't agree more, from a dom perspective it can get very trying and only the most patient are truly good dominatrix, i still need much work in that area myself.

 

I am a male and when i was between the ages of 9-17 i was sexually abused, raped almost daily, beaten to the point of broken bones for the enjoyment of the sick and perverted adults. Many times there was other children involved as well. I learned to do as i was told. When i was finally able to escape from this hell at 18 it took me 12 years before i could be with another person...to be able to trust.

I met a woman who would become my wife and this would last for 24 years. When we met she knew nothing of this lifestyle or what i so badly needed from her. With time i was able to help her understand and she found herself enjoying the role of being Dominant.

Even though she did a good job there was something missing....i think it was because she did not really want to hurt me as i needed to be. I made sure that she did enjoy being Dom and i did my best to make it as easy on her as i could.

One Sunday morning in October 3 years ago she became sick and was admitted to the hospital where she died 3 days later. Once again i was alone only this time a single dad to young teenage boy.

I met another woman who was Professional Dominant and was comfortable in her role. We spoke for a couple of weeks before we agreed to meet. In the time i spent with her it was never about sex but more her control over me...her pleasure in hurting me...in making me do things i did not want too.

I do not consider myself to be a complete pain slut at this time but i also know i need it and i crave it more and more.

To me being a submissive is the ability to give myself completely to my Mistress...to allow her to do as she pleases within the boundaries that was discussed before each scene. I trust my Mistress 100%. I trust her to not hurt me so bad it requires a trip to the hospital. I trust her judgment to stop when i am no longer responding to her....i trust her to help bring me to the place i seek the most where i can not take myself...and to bring me back safely.

I have a new Mistress now but she is far away from me. In 17 days i am going there to meet her. I go knowing she will hurt me and it will be bad and i know it will bring immense pleasure to her doing so. Even though this is a long distance relation i know it will work out.

I hope this helps show there are many reasons to be submissive or Dominant and for each of us the reasons are different.

 

racer cx was a strong handsome man who was never given the opportunity to show the real man who was inside himself.....when we found each other it was easy for me to help him open up and explore a new world and lifestyle....one that he enjoys immensely......he has become more confident, trusting, loyal, and giving.....he is able to love more intensely and has a new found respect for himself, his body and others.....he is now feeling emotions and sensations that he never felt before and it makes me so happy and proud to be a part of this new man who he has developed and grown into........

 

Thank you Racer! So far you're the only one who has given me a concrete answer about how the relationship actually works, aside from the sex. Thanks for taking the time to read and understand my question. I appreciate it. Of course, I appreciate the comments from your wise Mistress as well, even if they didn't answer my question.

You say she controls your "whole life," but you only mentioned small things like doing her laundry and starting her car, a type of pretend "slavery." I assume--perhaps wrongly--that you still have control over your own career, your personal hobbies, your relationships with the rest of your friends and family, your own eating and exercise habits, and other fundamental aspects of your life. If so, then what you say confirms my theory that the whole D/s thing is really just a game that people play because they get off on it. It's just play acting. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just think it's more superficial than real, and perhaps that's a good thing!

 

Welcome to the forum Anew! (Hope you don't mind if I call you that.) I'm new around here myself. Lol. I'm very sorry to hear about your childhood. Unfortunately it's all too common. I'm also so sorry to hear about your first wife. It sounds like she was an amazing person.

I hope you've been able to find happiness or will find it soon. And even though I think D/s sex play is tons of fun, I hope you're able to engage in tender lovemaking as well. I hope you have or will soon develop the ability to be truly intimate with another person, on all levels, because that's where true healing comes from. :rose:

 

LOL!!! Fair enough. Your post honestly did make me laugh. :excited:

However, I'm really not asking you to write a poem. I just want to know how your day/life is structured as a sub. When you wake up in the morning, do you decide what to eat and what to wear or does your Master tell you? If your boss offers you a promotion with pros and cons, do you make the decision yourself or does your Master tell you whether or not to take the promotion? That's all I'm asking! I'm just using examples of things, of course. There could be endless examples, but I just want a few examples of ANYTHING to help me paint a picture.

Why is my question so fucking difficult??? :wall: I thought it was a simple, straight-forward question!!! Lol!!! (I say this in general, not just to you by any means! Of course, you may have been simply responding to the thread and not my specific question.)

Oh well. I guess I'll never understand. :?

 

dominating is so hot!

having the upper hand and total control of the situation, makes you feel a surge of adrenalin rush through you.

i like knowing that the person i'm with is dying to have sex with me so they become completely submissive.

i like it on both ends, being the dominater and the submisser, but i'm not into whips and chains, dirty talking etc.

just rough hot sex. ;p

 

dominance = noun
dominating = adjective or verb

see the difference?

and depraved, i think it's hard because it's a damned good question. i think you'd get better responses over at fetlife.

 

No doubt. I'd like to imagine that my answer could be definitive, but what works for me may not work for someone else. In my life, my sub and I are two adults who are both perfectly fine at running our own lives. I simply provide the guidance and discipline she craves. She does obey my instruction, and fulfills my desires, 24 hours a day.

We aren't into heavy protocol, so unless I've given a specific instruction she just lives her life like a normal person does. The only reason that our 24/7 total power exchange works, is because it really isn't. If I tried to throw my weight around all the time, I'm sure we'd both be sick of it very quickly, so I just don't. While I suspect she might do any ridiculous thing I ask her to, I just don't ask for anything ridiculous. It works for us.

 

Depraved13 thank you for the welcome. I have recently met a new Master and Mistress and we are moving forward with our relationship. I will be going to New Zealand in a couple of weeks to be with Mistress and in 2 months we will go to meet our Master.

In most relations moments of tenderness can be good too. I know Mistress and i will share tender moments and very painful ones. For us it is the blend of the 2 that gives us what we need from each other.

With our Master my Mistress will be his submissive and i will be their toy. This is the only way it is meant to be.

 

I'm not sure I understand the reason for the English lesson, but I do know what you mean. I'm good at pesky, prying questions. I'm just curious is all. I've been meaning to check out fetlife but haven't had time yet.