I have a lot of kinky stuff in my head that I have a hard time communicating my desire to my partner. I keep it bottled up because she will judge me.

 

I am shy about asking for sexual stuff. I am afraid of rejection or mockery.

 

Well, in my case once they quit struggling, most of them seem to understand... Beyond that, you need to really think hard if your "desire" is something you really need to feel complete, or is simply some little idea you want to try out, and more importantly, how does it affect your wife. Like if you want her to get banged by the marine corps band, 3-dogs and a goat, or if you want to go out banging other women and men, her opinion does matter.

That said as to the former, my Husband had this very conversation years ago with me when I was trying to get a handle on my own sexual self, having been trying all sorts of things. He remembered very clearly a dream he had when young. In the dream, it revolved around two things. 1. He had this overwhelming urge to stick his dick in the mud. 2. There was a woman in the dream (who he didn't know when awake) that he was deeply in love with. At the end of the dream, standing naked waist deep in a canal, the woman he loved boarded a small sailboat, and began sailing off with him bawling at her leaving, to him it seemed like the world was ending.

With that he called to her, "what am I going to do without you, how am I going to live?" Her response was simply "live your life and do all the things you ever wanted to do!" To which he asked "but I just need you. So where would I start?" Her final response was blunt "you don't need me, you just want me, and now I'm gone. So why not do what you always wanted to do and stick your dick in the mud." ...as she vanished over the horizon.

In the dream, he thought on her words knowing she was right, and then and there lay down in the water and stuck his dick in the mud. He said in the dream it just felt like gritty sand, and not much more, exactly as it would be. It was then he realized that he had made that desire out to be more than what he logically knew it would be, and had made her out to be more than what she offered.

He stated it was from that day on, realizing that every whim and idea was not what he needed, simply wanted, and realized that though that woman was not right for him (in that she had a different agenda), what he felt with her applied to the right woman would be spectacular and life changing.

So I don't know, you tell me. Should you stick your dick in the mud?

Hush....an alias

 

A sexual parable!

 

I write my kinky thoughts down and give them to my wife to read at her leisure. At first she was shocked and aroused, and now it just arouses her to know what I fantasise about.

 

I wasn't very good at first, but time and experience has made it a lot easier now. Plus it helps when you have a partner who doesn't judge.

 

It's not how good you are at communicating your sexual desires to others are. It's how good you are at knowing who you can communicate your sexual desires to.

 

we watch porn and just ask would /could you ever.....

 

How do you know she'll judge you? And how do you know it will be negative?

One of the hardest things I ever did was tell my husband I'm into BDSM. I really thought he was going to disapprove or think there was something wrong with me, but I also knew that if I didn't tell him, it would be a whole lot worse in the long run.

So I got up all my nerve and I told him. His response: "And?"

Three and a half years later, it's been nothing but positive.

 

A recent girlfriend asked me if there was anything that I wanted to do that I hadn't yet done (if she came back now, I might have something to say). My point is that, however its worded, don't all couples, one way or another, seek to discover their partners desires..? Anything undisclosed can only be because the reaction and consequence is already known.

 

As one might guess I have no problems sharing, whether it's received or acted out is another story in and of itself?

 

Not good at all, mostly because I'm game for just about anything that results in me having an orgasm. I've heard people classified as "novelty seekers" who always want to try new things, and "comfort seekers" who always want exactly the same thing; but I just go along with what the other person wants.

 

No Hussie, on the whole, most couples do not... Most men if not all do. Most women however, shamefully do not. Though let me clarify... They want to know their men's desires to look down on and control them, yet they don't share their own.

Having been raised by men throughout my life, and only one woman for a few months when I was roughly 12/13 (and the only person I've known having an identical life experience to me, so my role model till meeting my Husband), for good or bad I have always found my viewpoints contrary to most women, and though not the same as men's, I have always at least understood them.

It has been my experience that with men, worse still specifically their own men, women on the whole do not share their desires. Though to some degree it is only speculation on my part, a few of the more obvious reasons being:
* A fear of their inner thoughts being criticized.
* A fear of their inner thoughts being used against them.
* A fear of being thought of as less than for having such thoughts.
* A fear of their extremes being demanded as the norm.
* Etc..

Worse still, then there are the aspects of control, as though a relationship is a game of dominance:
* That her sharing desires costs the chip of being able to criticize him for his.
* That her sharing desires makes it so he doesn't have to chase and woo her to share.
* That her sharing desires makes it so he does not have to work to discover hers.
* That her sharing desires makes it so she loses the chance to place another mark against him for getting it wrong.
* That her sharing desires reveals her wants while he can still hide his.
* Pious comes to mind, the hypocritical part. Etc..

Finally, and know this to be a fact about most MEN:
* They will not leave something alone as only being a fantasy (IOW not wanting to really do it).
* They also will always demand more. Offer to fuck him and his buddy, why not 10-buddies? Offer to flash him, why not strip in the bar? Offer to hold the dog's humpy pillow, why not let him fuck you? It goes on and on as though for each thing you do, it is not enough and is not the extreme limit, yet only the next rung on an ever escalating ladder.
* Finally, most men will then take that one-time exploration and then run it into the ground wanting it constantly (and then naturally adding to it).

Sounds crazy right? Yet I cannot count the women I've known, even in the hedonistic circles I run in that will flat out tell their men that they have no fantasies or desires, criticize them for asking her to do something even if she wants it too, and then go on and on with other women about what a bumbling fool he is not having "guessed", and when he did having refused him, as she then describes some of the most vile and vulgar acts known to humanity in great detail as her inner desires... All while bemoaning how her life sucks being so oppressed and limited.

It is one of the reasons most of the women I know, even here in my little world view me as either some slutty fool who doesn't get it, or that I'm wrecking the curve for them, or that I'm some traitor to the cause... Naturally they all come to me most even with their husbands when they or their spouse have some obscene thing they want to try, so in the end I get to be smug one.

In any case I don't get it. I view a relationship as though you can either have it 50/50 or 200/200 (%). What that means is, if you compromise, can do this, can't do that, he makes his list, you make yours, eliminate everything that doesn't jibe, what do you have left... Well, that's a 50/50 relationship, so only HALF of your life gets lived. I live a 200/200 relationship. Here is everything he wants, here is everything I want, and we do it all... So I live double the life I might have lived if I just stuck to what I want. I get to do everything I want, and get to live things that I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.

Finally, because of that our bond is unshakable. While everyone else runs around worried about what their spouse is doing, how to control them, how to get more and give less, hiding, sneaking, lying, etc., we instead live our lives not only anxious to share with each other, yet focused upon the other in that no other offers that plus our love on top of it.

Now I get it, that's easy for me having been there and done that before. Yet I do it in that I don't consider myself in it, yet want HIS life to be so full he never wants (which is reciprocated 100%). He'll never find someone like me again. In contrast, most of the other "wild-women" here can be replaced at the drop of a hat, and therein is the crux of it.

Every woman/man has the capability of being/doing what any other can... People rarely cheat because "they just do." They typically do because they believe someone else offers what their spouse will not (though to be fair they haven't always asked). Shape and size and look really are minor issues when it comes to men. Most men like looks, but they'll be content to just look. What makes them look elsewhere is performance.

In any case I could go on for pages on this. Yet with all of that in mind, there is NOTHING I would refuse or shame my man for wanting or asking about. I have gladly and enthusiastically done things I would never have otherwise, things that most of you would be shocked by (though I also know our limits the same I'd never have them be exceeded, though I know that because we communicate)... not because I fear losing him for the above, yet because above all else, I want his life full, exciting and happy. I'm just glad to be the one to do it.

Hell, one of the more outrageous threads here lately was some guy liking the idea of a gal blowing a horse. If my man said he wondered what that looked like, I'd have no qualms shoving that dick so far down my throat it would come out my ass... and I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO interest in horses, in fact I find it abusive.

But for my man, I'd do it.

There is not much mystery as to why so many couples have issues. It's simply a lack of communication, and a lack of desire to place ones spouse ahead of yourself.

Hush....an alias

 

My lovely wife is very traditional - slowly she is becoming more open and receptive in our love making. Does sex get better when your wife is turns 65

 

My wife is 60 and I keep hoping. I have suggested things to her but she is very conservative and reluctant or dead set against some things. I wanted to have her be with another man, black man perhaps. But she considered it and has decided this will not happen. It is tough enough to get her to consider sex....oh well. 30 years of marriage is tough to give up on....

 

Bump

 

I keep it to myself, anytime I did ever mention anything, let's just say the sex stopped or was not as enjoyable

 

I had a very open girlfriend (I was 28 she was 27) who said she was open for any sex game. She changed her mind after our first mww go. She was too embarrassed! And we never touched on BDSM.

 

People from this forum have encouraged me to want more sexually from my relationship. Why not. We live and love only once. Hard to say how we have to live. So....be the squeaky wheel and ask for more.