I will try to make the story short.I am with this guy which I see every couple of months due the distance issue.So when we get together we usually have lot of intense sex,like some horny teens,amazing.But last time something happen and I can't get it out of my mind. We still had lot of sex but most of the time he just couldn't cum.That wasn't a problem before.He got hard and playful every time but by the end I just felt like something was off.Of course it make me think if I did something wrong...among with other questions such as ...his mind was in other place....he has ejaculation problems suddenly....he's just not into me anymore....another woman....maybe was the weed( even that wasnt a problem before).I would like to hear your opinion abt this , if someone been experienced that before and if u found out the problem. I am really into this relation and the issue just drives me crazy. I was also thinking to open the subject freely with him but I am just afraid I will bring even more problems into this...making him anxious ...if was just a bad phase.So what you think ?

 

If I may going off of what you say is a relationship in which you only meet up every few months and the supposition (among other activities I'm sure) is intense sex then I would assume that it's a form of performance anxiety. This is not to say it's anyone's fault, but one of the faces of performance anxiety is the overthought of a particular sexual moment that causes some men to impose such anticipation that it causes an issue akin to the "law of diminishing returns"? This isn't the an overt pressure placed on him by you it's actually an unfortunate phenomenon where he places so much weight on these short and sporadic meetings in anticipation that when the time comes the one most sensitive mechanism is affected adversely.

Worse off when this happens (as most men can tell you) the more you think into an erectile problem the worse it gets rather than taking a minute to regroup through less emphasis on actual penetration such as kissing, cuddling and relaxing together. What I would suggest is before the next "meeting" maybe through your correspondence before hand you make no mention of sex either negatively or positively and emphasize more of those words like "can't wait to see you, hold you and have you near me"? An assurance where even if sex IS the main goal to both of you, it doesn't allow him to easily impose a feeling of expectation that may be causing him stress to uphold past performances the same or even better given you're short times together? Hope this helps....................unfortunately sometimes our mind is our worst enemy of best intentions!

 

@Milo Cronos you hit all of the bullet points perfectly.. I have issues downtown on a fairly regular basis and the problems which are failure to be able to climax for extended periods of time over several sexual sessions to erectile dysfunction that can happen at the start where it wont even attempt to get hard or decide to rear or deflate its ugly head at any point with little notice.. the ED I've had my whole life and it is really only a problem at the first one or two encounters with whoever I'm dating or now married to.. the not being able to come started after me and my first wife divorced.. the very simple answer is that the only thing that is adding to him not being able to come is if you are making it just an unforgivable offense.. because he cant help it it's a medical condition that is directly tied to his brain.. stroke his brain with a continuous barrage of following his lead as to when he is ready to stop and just be extremely grateful he can give you fantastic sex.. not all men that get hard and come are able to do anything but piss their women of from lack of effort.. its that simple.. I have had a couple of girlfriends that I couldn't nut with and after a while I just stopped having sex with them because they were just beside themselves that I was disrespecting them by not coming which just pushed my brain over the edge which closed all sperm travel indefinitly.. my wife now of a year and a half was completely perfect with it.. I made her come and when I was ready to stop because my brain was saying no she didnt bat an eye.. it's been a little rocky lately but it has to do with other factors that are in my control...

 

If the relationship is on equal terms, then he should have no problems if you bring the subject into a discussion since obviously his inability to experience an orgasm bothers you at some level. If he cares about you, he should also care about how you feel and the discussion should be open and informative, he should not be offended or embarrassed. There are many different scenarios that would prevent a man from experience an orgasm, physical and/or mental finding a root cause early would prevent the issue getting worse. If he does get offended, emotional or simply refuses to discuss then there may be something else and this may be a time for you to start thinking about alternatives or a clean exit strategy.

 

Ok think about it.. you are gonna put him in a position to have to stroke your feelings and make you feel completly satisfied that it's not you it's completely him and the next time you two have sex all hes thinking about is this emotionally taxing conversation and still no otgasm and dollars to donuts you fight about it again.. stop the cycle now.. stop talking about it stop worrying about it and have great sex every chance you get.. trust me the more you make it an issue the more it becomes an issue

 

Been there done that. Pounded away at the pussy and just couldn't cum. Too tired to stressed nothing to do with my partner, to to say if she hadn't tried something outrageous it wouldn't have broken my work funk.

 

At one time I had the same problem. I am not saying the reason for his problem and the reason for my problem is the same.
I was dating a woman I had known for many years. We were friends more than lovers. At first the sex was adequate. As time went by I began to have problems. We had a lot of sex but I finally had to fake it.
Finally had to admit to myself that I did not have any feelings for the woman. It wasn't long before I realized I didn't even like the woman.

 

It's either physical or mental. There's really no way of knowing if it's temporary or permanent either unless it happens again and again with various partners of his at different points in his life.

It's frustrating for everybody involved.

 

Why do we always blame ourselves when our partners suddenly lose interest in sex? Why doesn't their health first come to mind? Instead of worrying that you're doing something wrong or that he may be cheating on you, how about just talking to him? If you care about someone find out what the problem is, seriously. Talk, talk, and talk some more.

 

If actually been suffering quietly with this same issue, and my long term fwb finally brought it up with me and we had a night long heart to heart. One of those nights you just stay up and talk. And it boiled down to me actually having feelings for her. It scared me deep down because I didn’t want relationship problems to run her away. After that discussion, our sex life has increased in intensity, but unfortunately for me, she doesn’t share the same feelings, I’m just a trusted booty call.

 

I think it's natural @Amy69 when our lovers have issues to blame ourselves if even only to make it better or make sense of it, as well we suppress a lot to allow them to save their dignity. But the dynamics of ego is not always eased by expertise and logic, sometimes there are things we just can't fix for them and they have to work it out. Given all the issues the wife and I have had my wife still believes that my occasional bouts of E.D. (although not chronic) are a manifestation of my age? When in fact it's having been turned on by her and getting into bed where my head just can't rationalize why I'm not being touched or fondled in any way. My cock just doesn't want to participate in a lie sometimes and although I've mentioned it in the past she remains blissfully ignorant to the most simple solution. So is she worth it? HELL YEAH 34 years has to be worth something in the way of all the good years that preceded it and the occasional glimmer of clarity when her eyes are open, so don't minimize your being there for him while he works it out as I'm sure he will!

 

The stages of grief are just as applicable in the case of a lost love or sex just as well, I'd assume we blame ourselves as it's much easier (at least perceptively?) To fix something about us that may help us avoid what we know can be a long painstaking process of making them aware of their involvement in the issues at hand?

 

I have had the same problem. I just learned my nervous system is shot. I have a neck injury, could this be a problem for others as well.

 

Anxiety drugs affected me that way. It was not all bad, provided me with good staying power. I always eventually came though, and usually with a powerful load. Mix it up. Try alternating oral into the mix. Suck his cock while massaging his prostate. That always worked for me when she did that. Per her, be ready to take a powerful blast.

 

This question is easily answered...
Is he taking certain antidepressants?
Effexor and others will stop orgasm cold...
Not ED mind you....been there bought the t shirt...

 

PM me if you would like more info.

 

@Amy69 don't blame yourself.
But the only way you will get your answer is to talk to him about it.
Hypothetically like others have mentioned it can be pressure he feels to perform.
It could be meds or some other physical issue or phsycholigical as well.
You could kindly subtly offer if there is a way that you can get him off maybe.
Maybe that could open the conversation that you enjoy what he does for you and that you would be happy to see him get off.

I've had some minor issues twice in my life for very brief times.
Once I was sick so had some trouble.
Another time was near the end of a relationship where it perhaps should have ended but was still having sex.
The other issues were getting emotionally too much and I was starting to feel bitter so I was not into the sex emotionally and was just taking the physical act of it.

There are times when it is harder to get off, either rougher sex, positions where she can close her legs and squeeze her vagina tight,
or manual or oral stimulation might help but I am under the impression nothing is working in your case ?

 

Did he pounded that pussy good?
Did you cum?
Maybe he hates using a rubber, maybe his dog died, maybe he wants your finger in his ass and is scared to ask. who knows?
Unless you were looking to swallow a huge load, it sounds like he got the job done.
If it happens again then ask what’s up.

 

One word " Viagra " 100% Sure his been using Viagra for a while and like everything in this world there are side effects for everything lot's of ways to fix it tho

 

If I have a big session planned I sometimes hammer a pocket pussy many times a day leading up to the sex. Trouble is they are far more intense than a real pussy so it can be hard to finish in a Vagina. I have finished in a Pocket pussy after sex while the lady has gone for a shower. I now keep clear of toys when the real thing is planned.