While being denied sex may be one of the worst feelings to any good lover that cares it should also be noted that your lover feels just as bad to discover their lover is "just doing it" out of a commitment to the relationship and not because of a sexual attraction. I concur that loss of a sex drive has so many negative consequences both to the person it happen to that can't explain it and/or the lover you're with who tries as they might to help you find it once again.

I even understand when this happens there can be a multitude of reasons as to it causation and a lack for a way to communicate to your lover what is exactly going on, but is is first and foremost our responsibility to one another to figure it out and not just leave it to chance. It is so damaging to another when you leave the assumptions and deductions to that lover, that an otherwise seemingly great relationship outside the bedroom is dying in the bedroom with no communication.

I think many lovers who are losing that drive never quite realize the devastating affects of not just being honest with themselves and another, maybe for a hope it'll turn around on it's own or worse that their lover won't notice as long as they keep up a suggestive front by having sex on demand. Sex is like love in that you can say or do things that seem to be true, but it will almost always be exposed as insincere as both have a sense of feeling behind them. Women are in a better place to hide behind the disdain as many men as long as they're "getting it" may not know or care of the subtle nuances lost?

But even then while suffering through the experience a truly good hearted male lover with well intention will notice, as two naked bodies pressed against and penetrating each other leaves little to question when something in the reaction and emotion is missing. The hurt comes when you hold yourself to a standard of making sure that having sex with this one person (or more if you're both into it) is knowingly your highest priority to stay vital. In my case (for example) in my 30's and 40's I changed my diet, exercised much more, flexibility drills and sexual supplementation to keep my drive high.

Bottom line if your single and you want to eat unhealthy foods, drink like an Irishman on a bender nightly, jerk off as if there's no tomorrow, bury yourself in a workload that has little to no time for anything else that is your right. But once you invite someone else in to join you it's time to realize your responsibility to love, lust and a long life and when it's not working it is on you to fix it and not drag others down with you without reason or explanation!

P.S. Sorry if I had to rant, I needed this moment with those I respect the most and thanks for the indulgence.

 

@Milo Cronos I share your sentiments.
Usually there are subtle hints or even sometimes comments that one may overlook.
A couple indeed has a duty to be attentive to eachother and seek help if need be to save their relationship if they value it.
The problem arises when one from the couple does not care enough to feel it is a problem because to them it is not but to the other it is.
They further try to hide, deny or evade the issue or the fact that indeed it is a problem.
Yes it is detrimental to the relationship. Resentment typically sets in. It can set in for both parties involved.
A breakdown in communication is typically present as well.
One person ignores the problem and makes excuses minimizing the problem or blames the other whom is not cause.
The other person then blames themselves, relentlessly tries to find solutions and eventually feels even though they cannot fix it makes excuses to remain in the situation.
Soon completely minor unrelated things become emotional outbursts our are made to be major problems. It becomes irrational.
It is kind of like watching the relationship wilt and then decay it becomes terminally ill then wastes away, it eventually dies.

I described it to someone else like being in a airplane that is absolutely certain to crash.
Yet we dread to put on the parachute and jump out.
It would most likely be beneficial to us to jump out at the earliest onset, get back on our feet and be back on the path which we desire to be on.
Yet because we are hellbent against jumping, we hang on until the absolute last minute it is possible to do so before the plane will crash.
Perhaps some refuse to accept the reality that it will crash and hence perish with the plane or hence the end of the relationship.

I am no different than many who are here. We don't have a concretely sound reason to hang on. Yet we find ourselves unable to exit even though
there is no possibility of a good outcome. Some still feel love, well it will erode away.
Some out of loyalty that is possible but it is no longer a matched mutual, balanced relationship.
Some do not have a plan or perhaps a better place to go or current means to implement a plan upon realization.
Some feel they are doing the right thing out of obligation even though they are being violated themselves.
Yet we choose to remain despite the feeling of unfulfillment, without feeling loved, without feeling appreciated or even without feeling respected.
Heck to our significant other there is no problem or it is entirely one of our own creation only within ourselves.

No you cant force sex. It will become a chore and will seed resentment in the one doing it to please and even in the other who eventually realizes the lack of emotion plus the compounding resentment or hostility.

Here is my own rant in addition.

 

Both members of a couple have a responsibility in owning the relationship. They need to be in touch with where the relationship is at and what needs attention or what needs to be done in order to hone or fine tune the relationship both in a emotional and a sexual sense.
It can only be neglected so long before one realizes that things are not the way they should be and senses that what they are seeking, what they are needing, what they desire can be found from someone else.
One cannot fully hide their true feelings if they are doing something half heartedly just for the mere sake of pleasing their partner.
It will become obvious at least in the bare minimum sense that the excitement and emotion, the joy, the bliss the feeling of elation is not there.
In a way denying it is simply dishonest and without honest diologue, honest communication, honest effort things cannot shift into the equilibrium that is needed to sustain it. It will shift out of balance and out of harmony.
Unfortunately I suppose some fail to understand the importance of this. They just find themselves looking at the situation in a baffled manner
and are left wondering why the relationship ended up in such a state of dis-array.​

 

@stan123 said is:
16 minutes ago
New
Both members of a couple have a responsibility in owning the relationship. They need to be in touch with where the relationship is at and what needs attention or what needs to be done in order to hone or fine tune the relationship both in a emotional and a sexual sense.
It can only be neglected so long before one realizes that things are not the way they should be and senses that what they are seeking, what they are needing, what they desire can be found from someone else.
One cannot fully hide their true feelings if they are doing something half heartedly just for the mere sake of pleasing their partner.
It will become obvious at least in the bare minimum sense that the excitement and emotion, the joy, the bliss the feeling of elation is not there.
In a way denying it is simply dishonest and without honest diologue, honest communication, honest effort things cannot shift into the equilibrium that is needed to sustain it. It will shift out of balance and out of harmony.
Unfortunately I suppose some fail to understand the importance of this. They just find themselves looking at the situation in a baffled manner
and are left wondering why the relationship ended up in such a state of dis-array. @Jack Mine