So I have been with my partner for 20 years and our sex life compared to other relationships I have had is pretty boring to say the least. Once in a while it gets really great in a session and we have quite a bit of fun but these honestly can be counted on one hand over the last 5 years. So last evening we spend some time talking and getting into the mood take a shower and jump into bed. Now she has had 3 children and has some issues with her body image I constantly reassure her that she looks great and I honestly believe that. We start with some kissing and I go down for some oral on her and ask her to do the same on me she outright refuses. I ask why and she just looks at me like I just asked her to jump off a bridge or something. I calmly ask why she refuses we just showered we are clean etc etc. She does not answer just stares at me. At this point I go pretty much limp since nothing is more of a turnoff than a partner who does not desire you. For me I would do ANYTHING she asked me to do without hesitation in bed. For her I would be terrified to ask as I was afraid to ask for the simple BJ because I pretty much knew how this would go. I have literally had one in the last 12 months. So I kind of back off and ask why again she just states because I dont want to. Then she asks if we are going have sex or not so I decline at this point because honestly I am a bit take back and hurt that there is zero desire for me. I think she cannot believe that I just declined sex since she thinks I am an addict or something but there is more to sex than just cumming quickly. I am a fit male in good physical shape I take care of myself, I care about my wife do things for her attend to our kids and her needs but when I ask for something sexual I am made out basically to be a pervert. Over the years our sex life has been less and less exciting Missionary is pretty much it. Most of the time her words are if you want to do it just stick it in me and get on with this. If I am really horny I just do it but lately honestly if I just wanted a hole to stick my cock into I would find some random girl to bang. I am married for a reason but lately I am really kind of wondering if I can stick this out for 20+ more years like this. I own a business and have a pretty stressful life overall caring for employees and a stay at home family. I don't expect my wife jumps down on her knees and blows me every night but once in a while to be touched in an unfamiliar way without asking would certainly be welcome. I am the one who ALWAYS initiates sex most of the time she says OK when she is really not in the mood she will decline and I respect that we have all been there. When she knows I am super horny she will just lye there and let me finish but asks me to do it quickly... Most men would not mind this at all but this happens a lot and psychologically I just feel like she is performing a wifely duty to appease me. She refuses to discuss it so I have no idea why she won't I am really approaching a point where a difficult decision may have to be made if things do not change. I need sexual contact other than sticking it in her. We have 3 great kids, we really are best friends, we really have NO intimacy to speak of... I have wondered how long we would go if I did not initiate sex I have tried before and it has gone well over a month then I get to the point that I pretty much just take it but there is no real gratification with this process. I feel our intimacy is broken and I just am at a loss on how to attempt to piece this back together. Any help or insight is certainly appreciated and welcome here.