Ex-fuckin'-actly. My wife and I had a brilliant sex life when we got together. Nearly 8 years later, it's dropped off to, maybe, once a month. It tends to happen when your wife's going through menopause, you're studying until 1AM most nights, and you're both raising a 6 y.o. daughter.
I used to react in ways that got me into trouble when our sex life went downhill, a few years ago, (see my posts in the "underage" thread). Now I just "vent" in safer ways.
Yeah, it frustrates me, too, but I can't blame anyone. I'm certainly not about to leave my wife over it, either.

 

But, then again, this idea carries some merit, too...

 

Wow, I've been out of pocket for a little while, so I was pleased with all the input on my question. I truly appreciate all of the comments and suggestions. I wanted to add something to my original comment to help clarify a few things.

1. Though some days I am sure we all wish we had a different partner when it comes to times like this, the fact is that I married her because I love her, and sex or no sex, I have committed for life. We all need to realize how important committment to our wife and husband truly is.

2. My frustration has not just come from the lack of sex, but the also the fact that I truly have tried everything. I do help with the chores. I do help with the kids. I am always going the extra mile to try and make her happy. I have tried romance, I have tried seduction, crap...I've tried abstinance. Nothing works. I appreciate the comments about her just getting me off, but from my perspective, I'd rather jerk off than feel like I'm getting a pity hand job or humping.

3. Just so women realize the fact, some men love to be seduced too. We want the full out passion and we want to feel that our woman would truly love to just rip our clothes off and devour us. When we are treated like we are just sex craved pigs that have to be shut up, it kills the mood for us in the same way it would you. It is just that after all these years of marriage, I can truly say that I have never felt truly desired by my wife. And for honesty sake...that sucks.

4. As for her, she just doesn't have a sex drive. She never really longs for sex. Doesn't have huge horny days. She hates the thought of sucking my cock, so even a fast blowjob is not the answer...well, it is, just not "HER" answer. LOL.Guilt doesn't work...and I'm sorry to say, I've tried it. Cause she already feels guilty. In fact, when I have resorted to guilt, usually it just makes us both feel crappier.

5. My biggest thing is that I just don't want to be that unhappy couple that realizes that when the kids leave, we just don't like each other any more because there is no true bond between us. I believe that sex truly adds intimacy to the relationship. And we just don't have that.

 

Pft!

What an amusing thread. Full of crap too. "Vurtues > sex" and what not.

Bottom line is we are born to procreate.

That's a fucking stroooooooong urge that we have.

True - some people more some less.

When I was working 3 jobs, balls to the wall, 15 hours a day, I still wanted to fuck like an animal. Got a twitch in my eye. My nervous system completely fried. Still wanted to fuck many times a day. Jacked off at least 3 times every single day.

But the run of the mill housewife with the moron husband that don't help shit and just "works" has a lot of ears that will listen and a lot of people that will feel to her. Her life is horrible because the idiot husband makes it so. It's a very common situation. Talking about it objectively is completely pointless. She'd rather sacrifice herself so hubby + kids have a "hot meal every night". So that's exactly what she'd gonna get too - a fucking "hot meal", go to bed late after washing dishes, doing some mo' laundry, no fuck, go to sleep late, and all over again. The low sexual drive is now a result of her "horrible life".

And for the occasional moron that is now confused that I blame wifey here for her sorry existence: No! I blame the fucking hubby. And the mentality that is so well established that wifey lives hell every day and has all reasons to justify it. HUbby is the one that needs to save her. Shit yeah! An 8 hour job is fucking nothing, I don't want to hear how much he "takes care" of the family by "working his ass off".

 

It happens like this

Because, many women, not all, misrepresent themselves. During the courtship and into the engagement will in fact put out, until the day they say, "I do", or til the honeymoon is over. This happened in my first marraige.

 

disagree

Yes, it is!!!!! Sex is like air, ain't a big deal until it's gone.

 

A completely reasonable response (which could well have come from my wife... apart from the husband description... I work bloody hard and under huge stress...)

BUT, in such as situation, you shouldn't be surprised if the end result is your husband ends up cheating. I really don't understand how women can be faced with the overwhelming evidence, throughout their lives, that all men can be pigs and essentially fall down to their 'animal' instincts at times, and yet be surprised when it happens to THEIR men.

The thing that 'gets' men in this situation is the priority setting. I'll watch my wife go way above and beyond the call for the kids. Volunteer at the school, do all sorts of difficult, time consuming, tiring things... And then come home and not lift a finger in terms of keeping our sex life happy (yes, even if that meant simply 'servicing' her man occasionally, even if she wasn't in the mood).

And then women are shocked at infidelity. Bad sex is the #2 cause of divorces, after money problems. And yet for millions of women it isn't a priority. Just read this site for a while; it's a very common situation.

 

I could have written this message myself. There are so many people in this situation, there should be a support group for it!

I get really tired of people saying it's always the guys fault. Bullshit.

 

I would like to clarify a couple things

1. All of the comments to this have been enlightening, but the fact still remains that Sex is Sex. I believe everyone on this site understands the need for sex in their life. However, I believe that sex in marriage holds a different bond all together. It truly represents intimacy between a husband and wife. Oh sure, it can be wild, naughty, rough, or sweet seductive and sexy...but either way, it is building the relationship and trust between a husband and wife. If you take that sexual bond away, show me a marriage that hasn't suffered for it. I would venture to say that those that say it hasn't affected their marriage are either liars or naive.

2. Marriage is sacred to me. The fact that I do love my wife is the sole reason I am still in this thing. Sure, I love sex...and I do mean LOVE sex. Oral, anal, vaginal, handjobs...shoot, I even love to stroke off in her long silky hair on the few opportunities I've been given. But when it started to be that we were having sex every month to two months, I felt hurt and rejected. You shouldn't have to feel that way in marriage.

3. There have been some comments about not taking the woman's work with the house and kids for granted. Believe me, I respect how much work it takes to run a household. But I've never been one of those dead beats that doesn't help out. There have been times when I would work two full time jobs, come home and help with laundry, diapers, and dishes, still take time to try to seduce my wife after busting my butt to be a great husband and father, only to be made to feel like there was just not enough time in the day to take care of me. I mean come on now, exactly how much time does it truly take to get a man off anyway. Don't get me wrong, I want her to enjoy sex, but if she isn't in the mood, or does want to worry about herself finding pleasure in it, then I believe that is what handjobs and blowjobs can be for. If your man is providing for your every need, helping out with the house, working to be a great father to the children...then why on earth would he not deserve 10 minutes of specialized attention to his cock?

 

I'm a guy in the described relationship, yet I do alot for the kids and around the house inside and out on top of full time work. Even when I've had a big day of all of this I still desire something sexually even if its low key cause I'm buggered. I still twitch at the thought of sex after a long day of chores.

 

Well I'm not quite sure what you COULD do, unless if you tried something new and spontaneous with her to spruce up your sex life a bit?

 

I suppose

Think I've almost decided to quit trying anything new, and just dealing with status quo. Life is what it is, and my wife is who she is. I play on here a little and get lost in the stories. Somedays figure that is all I will really have.

 

Very well said

 

I go through those phases. Just live with it.

Then something happens, like she goes out of town, or I go out on business, and all of a sudden I'm at a strip club getting lap dances, or worse. Usually alchohol influenced.

 

How was her libido before you got married?

 

The sexual relationship needs to developed over time, but separately from the personal one, and thought of that way. It is a known fact though that all sex well eventually become routine in time. It has been said to around five years for most marriages. That is when you should get real creative

 

I welcome creative

I welcome anything that would bring excitement to our bedroom. But as most of us know...it usually takes two to tango. It doesn't really matter what I want if she is not a willing participant.

 

Actually I was one of those few that did wait till they got married. So the surprize was on me. I on the other hand was always ...and am still...always willing and happy to do whatever it takes to meet her sexual needs...but she never wants anything.

 

Wow

Some of you ladies need to climb off that high horse you rode in on. I agree completely with Kimi. If a women isn't giving her man sex (FOR WHATEVER REASON) he will seek it else where. Be it another woman, a dirty chat, a porn site, etc, the options are honestly endless.The reasons for not giving it to him are moot, tired, lazy, not horny, whatever none of that matters. I also agree that sex isn't something I would be willing to live with out just for the sake of "being together". Okay whoop dee fucking doo you made it to 50 years together but 40 of those years you spent miserable working yourself to the bone and never making love? Fuuuck all that shit.

I like most of the women here am married. The difference is that I am the one of the few rare women with an extremely HIGH sex drive. My husband peaked early and had most of his "fun" before we married so more often then not my sex drive is 30 times higher then his. There are times when Im lucky to get it once a week, then there are times when he cant seem to get enough. All of that being said, I am also a mother. With a job, and going to school, and all of that other crap that goes right along with it. I literally have to live in the same house as my mother because she is to the point where she cant run a household on her own, and with her comes my step father, and 17 year old brother. So not only do I have a husband and Daughter to care for, I have my mother, my step dad, my brother, 5 cats, 2 bunnies and a ferret. Add in school, work, and any hobbies I might hope to have and I am lucky to poop in peace for more then 3 minutes.

(Now ladies pay attention this next part is important)

HOWEVER, even with all this stuff going on in my life every single day I still make time to make sure my husbands needs are met. No matter which time he might be in, the I need it all the time phase, or the once a week is good phase, doesn't matter. I make it a point to take the time to make sure he has everything he needs in that department. AND he comes home to a hot meal every night, even if he doesn't get off until 10pm.

Now let me explain, I do these things even when I dont want to because simply put, I love the man. I will be so knock down drag out exhausted when I finally slip between my sheets at 2am only to be up again at 8 that all I can think about is how good it will feel to hear NOTHING for a few hours. Yet when he rolls over and lightly touches my back, places his lips next to my ear, and says "Baby, I want you" I don't groan or mutter under my breath, or even scrunch up my face. I roll over towards him and ask him what he would like. I do all this (and so much more) because I love him more then words could ever possibly begin to explain and his needs are so important to me. ALSO, I do these things for him because he does them for me! Just as an example, he came home from working 13 hours 3 nights ago to find me curled around the toilet bowl sick as hell. He didn't poke his head in and ask "you ok?" Like so many men would have, he walked into the bathroom with a wet wash cloth and a glass of sprite. He then put me into bed, massaged me from head to toe, softly and oh so slowly brought me to orgasm and then let me sleep until he couldn't anymore due to leaving for work again the next day. Now even though he had to work again the next day he got up with our child, fed all the animals before he left, made our daughters meals for the day AND went to the store to get me things he know will settle my tummy. So when he can take the time to do things like this I can damn sure take 15 mins to make sure he gets his rocks off even when I "dont feel like it"

Some of you women need to be reminded that your partner has needs and wants too. If you wanted sex and your man said no, omfg all hell would break loose. He would be accused of cheating, or of not finding you sexy anymore, or being a porn addict, or god knows what else. So ladies get down off the women's lib soap box and show your man you love him.


:isclaimer::
Im not trying to make it seem as if I never tell him no, or to make it seem as if the ladies who deny their men sex don't care about them. Im just trying to point out that it is more then possible to juggle life and still keep your man happy. Men aren't asking for it every 5 mins, once every 2 days is more then enough for most. You will find that a man getting it on the regular is a whole more happy to help you with anything you might need, or around the house. Just food for thought.

Btw, sex isn't an end all as most are making it seem but it is very important. Those needs are primal. Like eating...

 

I know that this makes 2 post in a row (which around here is a no no apparently) but since the first was long enough I am just going to add this tid bit in a new one..


To all the ladies talking about how tired they are or how run down and they have no free time. I have a thought for you, get off the porn website. Use the 30 mins you were going to devote to arguing with people online (which is like a rocking chair..gives you something to do but you never actually get anywhere) and go rape your man!

The however many minutes it took you to type out those long heart felt GO GIRL POWER responses could have been much better spent pleasing your man. Again..just a thought.