... There's an option to vote for both

 

At the risk of just sounding redundant after everyone else. Teens can't be stopped from having sex, so all we can do is educate on stds, pregnancy etc. Try to teach them that sex isn't just a game and make condoms available all the time.

I started watching porn when I was about 12 I think, started masturbating alot around then too.

 

Kimiko

I have thought about asking you this for some time. I agree with everything you have said above but consider this.
It is not possible to unlearn your first sexual experience and it has inevitable consequences for your future behaviour. This experience can be masturbation, consentual sex or rape. I cannot think of another although I suppose a wet dream could be involuntary but I cannot imagine having a wet dream before I was masturbating, maybe it is different for girls.
I do not believe that masturbation could have any negative consequences, except being disturbed and I suppose that could fuck you up. I also think that alot of youth masturbation is accompanied or assisted by pornography.
How old were you when you first masturbated?
Consentual sex is another matter. I suppose the best consequences would be two 14 years olds having sex, eventually getting married having three kids and living happily everafter. I cannot imagine a teenager having sex with a pre-teen without consequences and if the teenager was 18+ it would be rape in most countires. I guess it would only be in a very small minority that this experience was positive for the younger party but what it does do is increase their knowledge.
Rape is rape and should be condemned everywhere, but even that increases the knowledge of the victim when they are young, I can testify to that.

The consentual sexual act has be initiated otherwise it is just heavy petting, which is rife among teeagers and again I think does no serious harm and should even be encouraged. The period of the blind leading the blind, if you like, must be wonderful. More usual is that one party always has more knowledge or experience. The person having the more knowledge can be a dom or a sub (or giver and taker if you like) it is just a matter of degrees and/or knowledge.
In the most common situation of boy and girl where the boy is the dom and the girl is the sub there are two main outcomes. Either the girl has more knowledge and experience and the outcome is a great experience for the boy. I suppose vice versa if the boy has more experience then great experience for the girl, please confirm! These experiences will produce individuals that for the most part will conform to the sexual norm.

The further the experience deviates from this situation, such as very experienced 11 year old with a very inexperienced 16 year old (there are obviously many more extreme examples), the greater the chance of sexual damage or consequences. We cannot keep our eye on our kids all the time and I agree that they need opportunities to explore themselves and each other but we do need to inform them as you have said.
I was fucked up as a kid and my son is nine. I do not want him to have too many sexual consequences for what happened to me. Sexual information is supplied as asked for and as long as he is comfortable asking then myself or more usually my wife will supply the answer.

At what age should we have to start offering the information?

I cannot judge this because I was fucked up at eight years old and the thing I have to avoid is offering too much infomation.
The one guiding principle I have communicated so far is that it is fun when you both want to.

Thinskin

 

I think its fine so long as their partner is also under 18 and i dont think looking at porn is bad as long as they remember the difference between real women and porn women.

 

The conundrum with this is that what if one person's 15, the other's 17, the person who's 17 turns 18. Maybe a month or two goes by before the other person turns 16.

It's the only problem I've ever had with the age thing. It's like as soon as you turn 18 you go from ignorant kid to mature adult and all of a sudden, even if you've had a purely meaningful relationship with someone under 18, sex or not, it's completely taboo and you get in trouble if you're the 18 year old.






Ahh crap, I was trying my hardest not to post in this thread again...

 

Casa, you've put your finger on a REAL problem in this area that the strict letter of the law does not deal with.

 

I think umpire covered everything I wanted to say... particularly that it's a bad idea to become sexually active as soon as you're physically capable of it. (Not that that'll ever stop anyone. I suspect teens who are inclined that way would do it whatever people say.)

Personally I'm not sure that I'd count watching porn or masturbating as being "sexually active"... to me that phrase suggests someone else was involved, so it sounds as odd to me as saying that somebody lost their virginity by masturbating.

 

Any kid with a computer is watching porn. You can't watch over them 24/7. If they're not watching it at home, you can bet they're watching it at a friend's house.

And, as far as parents' attitudes about sex, you would think that their entire memory of their teen years had been completely erased. ALL teenagers are interested in sex.

It's amazing how every generation of parents perpetuates the notion that sex is forbidden, yet they refuse to teach their kids about sex, and rail against it being taught in school. And, heaven forbid they provide any form of birth control or STD prevention. Yet, these same parents don't think anything of letting their kids see movies featuring all manner of stabbings, shootings, stranglings, and so on.

Sex is normal. Almost everybody, from the time they reach puberty, are having some form of sex, or are wanting to have it.

So, my answer to the original question is that it doesn't matter whether you think it's right or wrong.
Just be realistic.
Kids are going to have sex, regardless of what you say or do.
So, you might as well do what you can to educate them about sex, provide birth control, and teach them about preventing STDs.

 

the real question is is there any realistic way minors can be prevented from being sexually active, short of tying them to a chair

 

It's called a chastity belt. However, it's unethical, and could definitely classify as child abuse.

 

I could not agree more. Me and my sister were fortunate enough to have enlightened parents who told us about the facts of life at an early age, and emphasised that sex is something beautiful and to be enjoyed by two people who respect and love each other. Also that sex was originally practised mainly for procreation (as still happens in the animal world), but that it is nowadays mainly practised for mutual enjoyment and recreation. They emphasised consensual sex and practising safe sex.
When my sister was about 15 (she is 18 months older than I am) and during an open and honest conversation at lunch about sex, she expressed the wish to see a "real penis" (not just pictures of one). I was surprised when my mother asked whether I would be willing to act as "model", to which I agreed. That evening, with our mother present and when I was getting ready to shower before going bed, she called my sister who was allowed not only to see and examine my penis, but to touch it and roll back the foreskin (I am intact). She felt my testicles until completely satisfied. Unnecessary to mention that I got a beautiful erection during all this attention to my manhood, which again our mother explained as something quite natural when aroused.
It was some time later that I insisted on the reverse privilege: seeing my sister's vagina. Again it was done with mother present. For us it was quite natural and no big deal.

 

When my eldest daughter got about 13 years old, I've told her: you'd rather wait a few years, but when necessary - you'll find the condoms there and you had better use them. I'm going to tell my son the same shortly. There's no way preventing them to have sex, it's useless, so I don't take the effort, I just make sure that they know they should rather wait but if it happens they'll do it safe.
And actually - I don't object the idea that my son of 12 years old watches porn - like I did at that age, though it's much easier to obtain it nowadays.

 

you may notice boys at 3 years, girls too take their hands/fingers to loin region for play, they enjoy, you may not call it sex. No sooner a boy gets erection he feels the urge for sex, he notices with curiosity a girl is different from him, likewise a girl also keeps fingering for pleasure at tender age. I go to other extreme, once attained puberty sexual activity should continue for life

 

It seems to me that with all of the sex that's shown in everyday life, teens can't avoid it. They just have to able to deal with the consequences (if any) when the time comes. There aren't very many individuals that "wait" anymore. It's gonna happen.

 

It is part of growing up so they will be always experimenting with sex as long as they are taught about risks and can take protection

 

Should or shouldn't will always be debated, but so many people miss the point, which is more times than not, they do.

No matter how much or how many times anyone tries to beat their own morals and/or all too often faith based abstinence agenda into a teenagers brain the simple truth still remains, they have hormones, that alone in my opinion is enough of a reason why it will never completely work. Then just for fun, lets add in the media and the insane ammount of peer pressure that teens go through on a daily basis on top of it.

And they wonder why kids are having sex at younger and younger ages, I can't help but wonder why the hell not. Personally I think it's irresponsible not to take this into consideration when they plan absitence only sex ed curriculum.

One more point I thought I'd throw out there while I'm at it, am I the only one who thinks it is odd and somewhat absurd that in some states the legal age of consent is sixteen, but the age required to buy a Playboy or any other pornogrophy is still eighteen? So basically, it's okay to have sex, you just can't read about it.

 

I think masturbation and pornsites are a good way to release sexual tension for teenagers. That way they don't have to go and fuck the first thing they see and make a mistake. Basically, I don't think it's right for them to be sexually active with each other.. but they can have all the fun jacking off.

 

Amen! Thank you for articulating the matter so clearly and rationally.

 

I absolutely agree that abstinence-only is absurd on its face. Even more absurd is parents thinking they can keep their children in a state of ignorance and prevent them from ever finding out about sex. Good luck with that!

With regard to the age limits, I suspect that the internet has pretty much rendered the whole discussion moot, don't you? Gone are the days of sneaking peeks at your father's Playboys. Now you get on the computer and are immediately inundated with graphic sex in every form imaginable.

 

I'm having to kind of sift through this and find the real questions...so here goes.

I first masturbated when I was 11 or 12, I think. And what a revelation it was, too! I was one busy, busy little girl after that! I started having blatantly sexual fantasies at about the same time (you have to get inspiration from SOMEWHERE). But in any event, I don't think there's any harm in masturbation, at any age. It's natural, it's normal, and it's nothing to worry about.

As far as sexual information is concerned, I'm a firm believe in being honest with my kids, and I started answering their questions as soon as they asked them. They are now 8 and 6 years old, and that is NOT TOO YOUNG for them to be curious about their bodies. They also need to be protected against sexual predators. So the sooner you open lines of communication and start a dialogue with them, the better. But what you tell them needs to be appropriate to their age and ability to understand. Just don't ever underestimate what they know, what they're curious about, and what they hear from their friends. And trust me, they can spot an evasion a mile away.