:excited:

 

The last little P.S......was the funniest thing I've seen in a week of internet! Thank you....hahahahahahahahahahaha

 

Little boy: "Daddy: do people go to heaven on their backs with their legs spread?"

Daddy: "That's a strange question; why do you ask?"

Little Boy: " Well, Mama was lying on her back like that and she screamed, 'Oh God: I'm coming!' and she probably would have if the butler hadn't been on top of her, holding her down."

 

Lol , Good Thread .

 

Young love

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known necking spot. He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approached the car to get a better look. Inside the car he saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately noticed a woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked to and gently rapped on the driver's window. The young man lowered his window:

"Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop said: "What are you doing?"

The young man said: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing toward the young woman in the back seat the cop said: "And her,
what is she doing?"

The young man shrugged: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop was totally confused. A young couple alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's Lane...and nothing obscene was happening!

The cop asked: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man said: "I'm 22, sir."

The cop asked: "And her...what's her age?"

The young man looked at his watch and replied: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

:excited:

 

Operating system compatibility...:excited:

 

Great thread....very funny.

 

fucking funny as hell!!! loving this thread.

 

ooohhh....wanna meet you
>

 

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What do you call a smart blonde?​

A golden retriever. :wall: :excited:​

 

Very funny, Miss S.-----Very funny!

 

1. umpire never complains
2. rcarson has many friends
3. baller is never wrong
4. Tightcuntlover is humble

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How true, how true. Lulled into a false sense of security, I allowed myself to be killed suddenly by my cat.

 

Ruminations

There's one of those usually-annoying forwarded emails floating around the net that lists 52 [62 in one version] "random thoughts of people our age" [or some variation thereof]. The source is invariably listed as anonymous or unknown, occasionally as comedian Aaron Karo. After conducting more research than I did in all of college, it turns out that Aaron Karo is pretty close. It's a list of the top-rated reader contributions to a spinoff of Karo's 12-year-old online column Ruminations.

Here's the current top 10. More may or may not follow--all that research made me want to take a nap.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with?
​

 

Ruminations 11-20

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There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.​

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.​

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.​

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. ​

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.​

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? ​

Our generation doesn't knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we're outside.​

I hate when I think of something really great to say during a conversation but by the time I get a chance to speak, we're on a different topic. Do I let it pass and keep the good thought to myself, or do I awkwardly bring up the old topic again? ​

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.​

 

Lol

 

LOL