Bumps.

FYI, Goldie's are a lot bigger, but this girl is seriously cute.

 

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I though this was OK; neither character was particularly appealing and as a consequence I didn't feel drawn into the story.

 

The weakest point for me was the jump from the original location back in time to the beginning --------- and no perceived jump back.

This is a WELL written story.

BTW - because I see how stories are written, I entertained some dear hopes that Dr Jessica would bring Goldie back into the story. Thank you for the granting of my hopes.

 

It was still well written all the same and it did get the logged in vote.

 

Excellent story! Not that I expected any less from you.

It's not particularly original, but then, it doesn't have to be. It starts off as a pretty typical "teenage girl flirts with the handyman" story and until the end, it never really strays from that. But that's what's so great about it. Especially with all the non-sexual stories in the competition, it's great to read one that has just enough story to it to give it an excuse to get to the sex scenes.

Speaking of which, I thought they were very well done. A lot of stories (my own included) usually have a bit of character development and then the sex scenes are pretty much interchangeable; they could be happening to any pair (or threesome, or foursome, or moresome) of people. But you continue to develop the characters right during the sex. You bring out the paradox of Goldie's "go get 'em" attitude and her slightly submissive inexperience, while merging it well with Alex's initially reluctant yet ultimately aggressive nature. It shows us that the two characters fit together perfectly.

You also kept it tasteful, which I always like. Anyone can write a raunchy story, but it takes talent to keep it beautiful like this. In fact, I didn't even mind the anal sex, usually one of my turn-offs.

By the way, this is just my interpretation but I think there was more between Goldie and Alex than just friend with benefits. I think they really did love each other, even if they didn't want to admit it.

I'll admit I started getting a little bored after their long separation and the description of his medical condition, wondering where you were going with it. I figured you were planning on bringing Goldie back into the story eventually, but when you introduced Dr. O'Connor I wondered if you were going for a "fond memories of the girl I fooled around with but I'm glad I ended up with the woman I'm with now" sort of ending, which really wouldn't have worked here. Then when Dr. O'Connor turned out to be Goldie, I thought it was the perfect conclusion to this tale.

In fact, my only criticism is what darthel0101 pointed out. The introductory scene didn't quite fit. But that's just a minor issue and it didn't hurt my enjoyment at all.

In short, another masterpiece from wantsomefun!

 

This will probably sound like a lame excuse, but I think I should address the point you guys are making.

My method of writing is pretty haphazard. I write in spurts. Sometimes, I'll sit down to write, and dash off nearly four thousand words on a new story idea. That takes a while, and when I've gotten to a good stopping point (or looked at the clock ), I'll put it away. The next time I get a chance to work on it, I'll have to re-read what I've written to get back up to speed. During that, I'll usually find some typos, but I'll also find things I'll want to re-do. Spending the same amount of time on this second session as I did the first, I may only write a few hundred more words.

This process goes on until the story is "done," maybe over the course of ten days. Then I'll re-read and re-write all the shit I re-wrote before, hopefully making it better.

Lately, I've been trying to post my stories that meet censorship guidelines on other websites. Some of them have a ten thousand word limit, either rejecting your story so you can cut it down or break it into chapters, while others simply cut them in half.

Bigger isn't always better, so lately I've tried to keep my submissions to under ten thousand words. For my CAW entry, I needed to pare away about seven hundred words, so I "simplified" some of my intro. I thought it still made sense. But of course, I'm the one who wrote it, and who trimmed away some stuff that may have made things a little more clear to the reader.

Oh well.

Anyway, that's what happened.

As to the depth of feeling between Goldie and Alex? You're exactly right, DC. They kept telling themselves they were friends with benefits, but fuck buddies don't act the way these two did. I tried to give some indication of that, especially in the scene where Goldie opens her med school acceptance letter, the one that tell them it's over between them. Plus, the last time they met in the apartment (after her engagement), she cried as they made love for the last time.

Yeah, I'm a romantic at heart.

 

Makes sense. If you don't mind, I'll be a little bit more specific about the intro and why I don't think it quite fits. In the spirit of constructive criticism, of course.

Let's consider the timeline of the story. We have 4 parts to it. In chronological order:

1. The meeting, first time, etc.

2. The introductory scene, which I assume takes place some time while she's at college, most likely after Alex bought the apartment.

3. Everything after the introductory scene up to the point where they separate.

4. The events leading up to the reunion, and the reunion itself.

By putting Part 2 first, there's the implication that most of the rest of the story is going to take the form of a flashback. That's fine for everything in Part 1, but Parts 3 and 4 cannot be a flashback because they occur after the intro scene. It might have worked if you had made a very definite return to the "present" before going on with the admittance letter and the separation instead of a "time passes" segment jumping ahead a few years in a few paragraphs.

As one romantic to another, I thank you for this wonderfully romantic story.

 

ummmm,

errrm, :|

Ahem. :-~

I did not say that the beginning of the story was a weakness, I said that it was the weakest part of the story for me --- because of a lack of "return to the present"

Any flaws in those 7 one line paragraphs can be overlooked rather easily when considering the overall, overboard, all around QUALITY of the story and its presentation.

 

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All right, I think I see what you mean. Maybe I can explain myself here.

This was one of those romances that wasn't supposed to happen. The original premise was that they would remain fuck-buddies, and that would be it. No drama. I couldn't do it that way. Alex and Goldie clicked too well. It became clear to me that Alex wanted and needed Goldie, and she obviously felt something for him. "Before she left for California, on our last night together, she cried as she rode me."

 

Well WSF this was my final story to read on the list, didn't mean for it to happen that way just kind of did.

First off I want to say thanks for getting that song stuck in my head as I read. No worries its a good song, a lot better than "Take it easy," however I perfer their "Hotel California" song

The sex scenes in this was amazing! It was as if I were sitting in the room watching them fuuck each other. It started hot and ended just as hot. Great job!

As for him not recognizing her, I thought that was totally believable. I know I have only been out of high school for twelve years, but going to my ten year reunion I didn't recognize some people there, because of ho much they have changed. Now add another ten more years I will probably be asking if they even went to that school, so I can definitely believe he would recognize her.

Great job, and good luck!

 

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Wow. What a great story. i am horny aahhh

 

motherfucking bump to get these stories to the top and JoeFuckheadDirty (and his little troll pornvision) below

 

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All aboard the bump train! Choo choo!