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Oh, look! It's the office Christmas party!

http://ist1-4.filesor.com/********/5/2/3/1/52319/1/8/V/i/18ViG/PH%20Vol.%2067%20Part%2011.jpg



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From the "You Can't Make This Shit Up" files (http://thuglifevideos.com/drunk-man-makes-love-to-snowman-gets-frostbite/)--

Quebec, Canada. A 64 year-old was rushed into Centre hospitalier de l’Université Laval at the weekend with a most unusual medical complaint. He had frostbite of the P*NIS after getting drunk and trying to have s*x with a SNOWMAN.

Kenneth Gillespie is known to locals as a drunk and a bit of a lecherous type, but this latest episode has had dire consequences. He was found passed out clutching onto his frozen junk by neighbors at 1.30am on Sunday morning and they called the ambulance straight away.

The doctor in charge of Mr. Gillespie, Dr. Marc Arnadeu said this to a local TV news crew: “Frostbite of that area may sound funny but it is very serious indeed. Frostbite, of course, can cause infection and gangrene and ultimately this has led to Mr. Gillespie’s member being amputated. It’s very sad.”

The snowman is thought to be okay, though. It’s since been rebuilt and cleaned.



Some in Gillespie’s neighborhood are less than pleased, though. One told the Montreal Gazette this: “If that dirty sonofabi*tch comes back here after what he did, I won’t be responsible for the reaction of the community.”

“Several people have already vowed to dismember him after what he did to the kids’ snowman. He left a pile of empty bottles, a wrecked snowman and a trail of frozen man-juice in the middle of the community recreation ground. This b*stard’s worse than Bill Cosby.”



Gillespie is thought to be recovering with friends in a nearby town and could not be contacted. It’s thought that he’s planning to move down to Mexico to warmer climes once he recovers and plans to have a bionic p*nis built with his savings.​

 

I bet the snowman didn’t file rape charges for fear the police would blame the way it was dressed.

 

No comment.

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Seems as good a place as any...

Why the fuck do people quote an entire fucking story just to make a 4 word comment???

 

Now that the mistletoe has wilted, we resume our regular debauchery.

 

With all the celebrity mourning that has plagued this year, here's another story from The New Roman Times.

Breaking: Rolling Stones Guitarist Keith Richards Found Still Alive
August 4, 2016



WESTON – In a startling development for the Rock n Roll community, world famous Rolling Stones guitarist and songwriter Keith Richards was found alive on Wednesday. Crew members said they found his animated body sitting beside an amp, picking at a guitar and murmuring some incomprehensible melody. Shocked but elated, the roadies took Richards back to the dressing rooms and covered his old broken body with designer scarves and skull rings.

“It’s astounding” said longtime Rolling Stones roadie Steve Kruger, “to find him in this state is…well, it’s unexpected to say the least.” Richards, the grizzly-faced guitarist long thought to be the most likely person on the planet to next kick the bucket, was noodling on a 5-string fender when he was found miraculously still conscious. “At first I thought it was some 200-year old giant turtle that crawled in here, or a wrinkly sack of potatoes with somebody inside,” recalled Kruger. “But no! There he was, strumming away on a few opening chords to ‘Start Me Up.’ What I was seeing looked awful, but unmistakable. When I realized it was Keith, I thought it might be one of those holograms like they created for Michael Jackson and 2Pac at Bonnaroo music fest a few years back. But then I touched him and he screamed ‘what the hell do you want!?’, and I knew.”

Figuring that they might as well use him, the Stones management has decided to continue taking him on the road. “People still want to see him perform,” said Kruger. “And they’ll pay good money to see their favorite corpse up onstage, especially if he’s moving around and kind of sort of acting like it’s all still fresh and sexy. So now it’s kind of like we’re touring with some old museum piece, or your grandma’s music box, handed down from generation to generation, still spitting out a tune,” said Kruger. “And I’ll tell ya, Keith still makes a good noise.”
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