need to grab my breakfast...

 

Life sucks is that a mood

 

even though im swamped with work

im still in a good mood

wanna know why?

 

whys that

 

well 1 my older bro is coming home early and 2 my half bro is coming from canada yay

 

Thats great!!! Im glade to see you in a good mood

 

lol its been a while

 

My thing is I have no friends no woman nothing Im all alone and I can't change it I try but I always fail If there is a "GOD" than im a joke to him

 

I'm just....so.....dead inside.
My sister passed while i was at work, tried to make it the full day, but i just couldn't do it. i can't stand this, what the fuck did i do that made everybody around me fucking die? i lost my sons mother, i lost both my brothers, now i lost two sisters, my mother, three cousins, and i've buried countless friends, and two uncles. Why the fuck does this shit happen to me?i try and focus on the good shit in my life, but how can i do that, when the people i really love die? I don't know what to think, i thought this shit had passed, i didn't think i had to deal with this, but what the fuck? I know i am not making sense, death is a part of life, but do i need to face this much death? I can't even get my head around it.....how could this have ended her life? i'll never....see her again....hug her again....call her in the middle of the night because i know she can calm me down. she stuck by my side through ever single death that has occured in my family. She held my hand at my brothers funeral, and gave me the courage to speak there, and even though i was crying, i was still able to deliver my words, because she gave me that silent support. where am i going to get that now? what did i do to fucking deserve this? i mean god damn it shit like this does not happen to people this often, i know i've fucked up in my life but does that mean that i'll never be able to have people around me anymore? When its my turn, will there even be anybody at all that will care? everybody who loves me, is dead, i hold my son as close to me as possible because he is the only thing keeping my feet on the ground these days, living is so much harder then death.

 

I am sooo drunk......you wont believe it!

 

Dude Im so so sorry I know that don't help

 

Wish I was

 

Isn´t all good....I told my friends so much shit this night....good that I am home now

 

Sounds like fun what did you tell them

 

I don´t know anymore.....My head is blank right now, but the bad thing is, my brother picked me up...and I didn´t want him to recognize I am drunk....man, that was hard!

 

still here... still in good mood.....

 

haha lol did it work??

 

No, because my friends told him.....so i had to be extra careful, but I think I wasn´t that bad

 

You live in Germany 18 its legal

 

I know.....lol